I am a Horrible person

I never knew how much my trauma would affect me moving out. I’m moving out of my family home and in with my long distance bf. I have experienced physical and mental abuse as a child. I’ve been in foster care with my younger siblings multiple times so I was their protector. I am now trying to build a life for my own and I feel so guilty. I feel that I am leaving my family behind. I feel like shit. I have nightmares that my family will hate me and nightmares of them crying and begging me not to leave. I have flashbacks of my past traumatic experiences. It has left me depressed and guilty that I am trying to be happy without them. I feel like i don’t deserve happiness unless it is with them. I don’t have any other family or friends that have gone through this same situation as my family is dysfunctional. I don’t know if I should ditch my relationship and new job just to make them happy. If anything happens it will be my fault. I feel so depressed and have no one to relate to this situation. I don’t know what to do.