how do you find a purpose when you don't believe in anything?

I used to be Christian when I was younger but I came out as queer and was shunned by the congregation and my family. They blamed me for "turning gay." It was horrible. Homophobic and like really nonsensical. I basically grew up in a cult tbh. Even going to the movies was "satanic." I left as soon as I could.

Then I found some community in spiritual spaces- but people say things like "you call in what you are/deserve" and it feels like I'm blamed for negative experiences in my life. I don't trust that mentality when so many bad things happen in the world and people are not "asking for it" so to speak. Very victim blaming.

Anyway- I'm at a point where I don't believe in much of anything. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to find meaning in life when I don't think there is a God or gods. How do you find meaning in life when you're not sure of a higher purpose?

It's honestly very depressing to feel like I may be an atheist or at least agnostic. To feel like I can't connect with anything bigger then me because of the bad treatment of others. It's difficult.

What's the meaning of life without blind belief in something bigger than yourself?