My high School Crush

:Hello, This is my first time posting and I'm not sure how everyone will receive and take the true story. I have changed the names and embellished a little on some of the things said but I can assure you the situation and the outcomes are very real. I know im not a good writer but they say you start with what you know. I will finish this later on if everyone seems to like and wants to know what happened.:
It must be written in the stars that in High School there is that one Boy or that one Girl that everyone either wants to be with or wants to be them. My high school crush was no exception. I had know from a very young age that I was attracted to my own sex more than I was to girl. Hell I had a more than few wet drams and self pleasure sessions thinking about that one girl in school that had a way of melting me, but no one even to this day has ever had the effect on me as Jones. To say my torch burns bright for him is an under statement - it could light a darkened city.
Let me tell you about Jones. It was Homeroom just before first period of the first day of our sophomore year in walks this Tall, fit , dark curly hair and brown eyed young man with a smile that can save a life. The boy was beautiful. Just one glance a look into those eyes told you the boy is just as beautiful on the inside as he was on the out.
Being different and growing up in Kentucky was not easy for me and you can imagine what High school was like . I was always a target of speculation and comments but never any valiance toward me. Jones he never cared nor treated me differently, He never saw me or anyone other than who they were. Just a great guy and never in my wildest dreams did I ever think he would talk to me let alone want to friend's with a shy quiet kid. He introduced his self on that first day. I told him, Hi Im Danny in a small voice. From that day on sat next to each other in class or whenever we could. As time went on he started dating a girl and was well known by the whole school. Never had a bad word for anyone not even our rival school's baseball team Just a nice guy and very very smart.
That same year I joined the baseball team. Have you guessed why, that's right Jones was one of the best players on the team. I was not so good, Jones did like to tease me about it but hey I love it and I loved the away games and especially the ones with overnight stays in hotels. He always sat next to me or around me on the bus and ever single time we stay overnight he and I always shared a room. I am a very shy reserved type of person. I was always so nervous, happy and excited to spend time with him. Thoughts went through my mind of would happen, what could happen. We would talk about anything and everything. What movies we were into or some crazy thing on TV we would never miss. I really got to know Jones on those away trips and with every word and every glance I fell, fell hard. Falling into a deep deep pit of longing and love is scary at any age, for me and who I was and the kind of love that I have to give is not easy to accept. I knew I was in trouble and the more curtain that I would be the one to get hurt.
Jones and I where not best friends but we were close and always had lunch together at school. His circle of friend's tolerated me because I could get along with anyone but that is where we left it- I never went to parties nor was I ever invited. My feelings were never hurt by that, I am not one to party, Drink or smoke. I couldn't dance if my life depended on it (Still the case) and I can never stand still if music is playing so to spare myself the embarrassment and stay far away.
This never changed all through to senior year. I was working hard to make sure I was going to college and got accepted to go *SU. Jones was as well, hoping to get a baseball scholarship to a college near by and I was really hoping he would go with me. So baseball at the end of the year he was very very focused he had to get a scholarship . It made me work even harder to make sure to help him, the hard work paid off and an offer came through. He eventually took the offer and I was happy and sad at the same time. was at a different college that was further away from our home and my school of choice was in a different direction and even farther.
I knew my limits with baseball as well as our teams. Unfortunately we were not good enough to win a state title but we damn well where going to go as far as we could. The Teams hard work did pay off, we won and that meant we got to travel Lexington Ky for a week long State tournament (That means a whole week in a hotel). In my mind the words " tell him " and "times running out" and " Regret if you don't say anything" keep playing over and over. Time was running out, Time waits for no one. I had to say something to him but what would I say, How would I say it. I needed advice. My best friend Mac the coolest girl on the planet. The only person who I can trust. I would trust her with my life and have since Pre K and knows me better than my own family. She can sniff a person and know if they are a good person or not. She takes no bull from no one, I she would never tell but I think she has smacked a few assholes heads together for me. Mac is always telling me to keep perspective and that Jones is a good person and to keep in mind that things may not go well. With mulling all of that over with my feelings my heart still tells me that I have to at least try.
We sat next to each other on the 2 hours trip to Lexington and we just talked about life after high school and the upcoming games we had. He was always interested in what I had to say and what was going on in my life. I asked him how his relationship with Anna Marie was going. He smiled a little at me (That smile lite me up and also a cracked my heart in half. That smile was for Anne, not me) and said its good. She is coming to watch us, He said. More and more cracks forming my heart hurting with ever word. My eyes starting to sting as I looked into his His expression changed to one of worry and sadness. I looked away and changed the subject. I hope I didn't give myself away I, thought to myself. He didn't talk as much after that for the rest of our ride to the hotel. As always Jones and I were rooming together we always asked if we could , coach always obliged we never caused him trouble.
Jones and I got settled in our room and we had to meet in the lobby to get dinner as a team and family members that came to watch and cheer for us. He was still very quiet, more so than usual. I wanted to ask if something was wrong. Im too chicken too. A knock at the door and I went to open it up, thinking it would be coach or others on the team. Ann Marie stood at the door, looking as pretty as she always did. I said Anna Hi, but barely get a hi from her and that is normal for Anna Marie . She was not a bad person truly, she was just from a wealthy family, pretty and knows what she wants, gets what she wants. She walked across the room towards Jones and a smile that was genuine and beautiful and not for me. What was I thinking, I have no change.
After dinner I came by to our room and showered and got into the sheets. Surfing the channels on the TV and noticed the minute's turned into hours and Jones was not coming. I was worried at first and then hurtful disappointment was setting in. I had no right to really feel this way but I did. The next morning came and I heard someone in the shower. I have no idea when Jones came back and I pushed that out of my head. I needed coffee and food in me before practice.
Jones came out of the shower and I said hi... what time did you get back. This morning he replied. I meant to come back,he said looking into my eyes. Fell asleep and just woke up. Breaking eye contact after a few moments he says Im starving lets go get some food. I followed him down to eat.
After a hard practice I went back to our room to take a shower. I decided that I didn't want dinner. I just wanted to get clean and just read a book or watch TV. I was heart broken and I needed to get my mind off of the situation. I only had 3 more weeks until graduation and that also meant that Jones and I would not see each other again. I would miss him and I was scared to think about it. It was all I thought about. I should have other things on my mind. Im about to go to college. Meet new people and have roommates , History and Art classes. I had just decided that History and Art Education is my goal. I think that is what I always wanted to be, a Teacher.
I woke to the sound of the door closing it was dark in the room. I must have fell asleep while reading. I turned on the light to see Jones walking in. Hey, Sorry to wake you he said. No problem i told him. He had a plastic bag in his hands. I look up and our eyes met, he smiled and said you didn't eat dinner, are you hungry. I was very hungry, for food and for his company . Thank you I said, I can eat a cow right now. I was grateful and keeping a mental not of how stupid it was not to eat dinner.
After we finished eating I crawled back into the bed and Jones took a shower. when he was done he sat down on his bed facing me staring at the floor. I studied him for a what felt like an hour. I was afraid to say anything. I had never seen Jones act like that. I waited and finally he looked up at me and hesitated for a moment looked into my eyes and then he asked, what do you think of Anne Marie. My heart sank, I thought he was going ask me something about us. I studied him for a moment weighing what to say, I do not want to make him mad or upset so I had to think, what can I say. I open my mouth and the only think I could think of to say was, She is pretty (I want say she is not good enough for you, she is a snob and only for her self, gets what she wants when she wants it, spoiled. Damn I am just too nice for my own good). Jones says yes she is pretty. I watch him more as he fig-gits with his hands and digs his toes into the carpet. It was breath taking to see him this way. He was so damn hot, vulnerable. Then the words " what do you think of me" he said looking up to find my eyes one again. My body felt like its was about to be swallowed up by the earth, the floor is falling out from under me. Why did he ask me that. I got up and sat on the edge of the bed feet firmly on the floor and looked him in the eyes. He stares at me waiting for me to respond so I steady myself and breath so to keep my heart from beating out of my chest and I say. Jones you are the smartest most beautiful, wonderful , Amazingly sweet and kindest person I know. There is no one I care more for in this world.
His eyes widen and i hear his breath catch just before I hear a whispered really? I move closer to the edge of my bed so he can see me clearly . Eyes locked i give a slight node and say, From the moment I saw you walk into miss Anderson's home room that amazing wonderful morning sophomore year with a soft voice and smile that can conquer anyone. I still get that feeling every time I see you.
We sit looking at each other trying to sort out what just happened, what was happening. I gather more courage to ask, I needed to know. Jones I said " What do you think of me". Still looking into each other's eyes he takes a deep breath and begins to say ' D' your Kind, so funny, Very shy, the cute kind of shy that I cant look away from , The best friend anyone can have, he said. My heart is beating so fast at this point, Best friend , I need to know if he thinks of me just as a friend. I had to ask him. Know is the moment to ask I may never have another change. I asked, Just as a friend or more than friends? I'm beginning to breathe faster and faster, I can't take much more. He begins to fidget again and licks his lips and opens his mouth and begins to say, "What I do know is that I like us, the time we spend together and have since the first time we spoke to each other. I have been drawn to you more than I have ever been to anyone. It scares me Danny, how much I am drawn to you. Everything about you just lights my world up, just thinking about you or hearing your voice or a shy blush on your face make the world feel right to me. we break eye contact and at this point tears are funny down my face and im holding in a whale that wants to escape. This is everything I have ever wanted since the moment I laid eyes on this beautiful person. I take in air and ask, Can I Kiss you, please. He puts his hands on my knees and leans in and he lightly kissed me. He kissed me. Can this be real, Please let this be real. I kiss him back and it becomes more intense. My heart cannot take it if this is a dream. This feels so right, to taste his lips to have him in my arms. This is meant to be.
That night I lost my virginity to a person that was kind and the most gentle and caring love making that anyone could ever ask for.
As we lay by each other that night I found myself wanting to know what is to come. I need to ask him about Anne Marie and am terrified as to what I may hear. What do this means. I hesitated to ask but I have to know. Jones um.. Can i ask you something. before I finished that statement he spoke up and cutes me off saying " I broke up with Anna Marie or We broke up he said "just before I came here". Wait what, really . i said. "Yes we broke up, she confronted me about you. She has been telling me for a year now that she thought that you had feelings for me, I should stop being friends with you. I was never sure if you liked me more than a friend or not. I just could not put myself out there. I still have no idea how to tell my family or how they will react but I know that its you and I can never go back to anything other than us. I know we wasted so much time." I just kissed him as tiers started coming down again.
We had wasted so much time. Three weeks till graduation and then the full summer before we start college. So many realizations came crashing down on me at one time. I was high on the thought of Jones one minute and low with knowledge that we will soon be apart for college and what they would mean. Also we have to tell our parents and our friends. Im not sure which is harder to confront.
Jones, why don't we keep our thoughts on the present and make up for lost time. We have a game tomorrow to win so one step at a time. I said. You are right, with smiled reply, Lets get some rest. Goodnight Danny. Goodnight Jones....... I love you, I said with a light whisper looking up at his face and into his eyes. He smiled and said, I love you.