wondering if my "imaginary friend" was really just an alter created to not feel the abuse

TW PA description

When I was a kid, I had an imaginary friend called Rachel. I had communication with her until I was about 11. Rachel was in a wheelchair. I always felt like she was somehow different from other people's imaginary friends, although I couldn't quite explain why. Most kids seemed to have some level of awareness their imaginary friend is in fact imaginary. I on the other hand was always very sure she was real. I never told anyone that, but I always treated Rachel like she was real and when we were alone I would "push" her in her wheelchair- I never saw her but I felt her presence. Even when I was older, I decided maybe she wasnt real as in real in this world, but she was real in my head and I wasn't imagining her. She was just there. I felt like I didn't make her up, she came to me. I thought maybe she was an angel for a little while.

Anyways, something about Rachel that strikes me as odd now knowing I have alters, is one day, I remember asking Rachel why she was in a wheelchair. She said somebody bad hurt her and now she couldn't feel her legs anymore. I told her that was really sad and I was sorry, and she told me it was okay, that was glad she couldn't feel them because they couldn't hurt her anymore.

My dad hit me with... A lot of things. I know that because I am viscerally afraid of a lot of common household objects one might use to hit a child with. I am sure I often wished to not feel it. I don't remember being spanked necessarily, like, I remember the lead up to a lot of abuse, but once it starts it goes away. He did not hit me in the face until I was older, it was always my hind end as a kid. I wonder if Rachel was an alter who took over during the abuse at times, and perhaps that's why I don't remember specifically what happened as punishment, only the lead up. I remember my dad being frustrated that it "wasn't working" with my mom one day- he was basically complaining that I wasn't being responsive at all to his punishment, like, physically. This wasn't directly after an incident, I don't think, but it was like, a conversation I overheard. He said I "just laid there" and "didn't seem sorry at all". He said he kept hitting me harder and harder but I did nothing. I don't remember that happening, if I ever recall for a moment being "spanked" I'm always sobbing. I don't remember ever not being responsive and when I heard him saying that I was confused then too. He also complained that I wouldn't get up when he was done- I just laid there, yanno, like someone who couldn't feel their legs might do.

As a kid, my legs would hurt a lot and I'd have no idea why. I didn't remember anything happening to hurt them, but they were hurt. I'm really starting to think Rachel was not ever an imaginary friend but an alter I split to not feel the abuse.