i hate myself

I am an 18 year old male. In my entire life I haven't met a single person who showed me any kind of affection or care (excluding family members). No matter what I do I can't build a close relationship with anyone. I have many "friends" but I'm not close to any single one of them.

Lately I've been really trying to put myself out there and it does seem to give me the same results: many "friends" but no one who actually cares about me.

I met a girl that I really like (this is a first for me) and we talk a lot but she just seems to be nice to everyone. Nobody seems to like me. I've accepted the fact that I'm unlikeable and when I think about it it makes sense... Why would anyone like me? I have nothing to offer. I'm not muscular, at most, moderately funny, a bit shy and really fucking scared to express myself. Every night i feel like shit no matter what I did throughout the day. I'm so fucking alone.

If my family died in a car crash I would have nobody, nobody who would care if I live or die. I don't ever think about suicide but honestly, if my brother and parents died I'd have no reason to keep living.

I hate that I think that nobody likes me

I hate that I'm scared to tell her how I feel

I hate that I'm the way that I am

I hate that I have to put on a fake smile everyday

I hate how I struggle to build relationships

I hate myself