Beautiful realization

I’ve been at odds with my family all my life. I never felt loved, I was never appreciated, they threw me away first chance they got and never came back. I felt like the first 14 years of my life were dedicated to them, im the oldest and my parents were constantly working so I took on the part that was required/expected of me. All without appreciation. All to my demise. My needs were never met and I continued accepting that into adulthood, also always to my demise. What I needed then was unconditional love, appreciation, acceptance, respect and tonight, after feeling so alone all my life I finally realized that i had it. I’ve had it for a year and a half now.

it came to me when I started feeling guilty bc I was really upset and he popped into my mind… I was like “why do I think of him in this time?!” “Do I want to make him feel upset, feel my pain?!” Of course the answer is no. I absolutely do not want him to feel what I was going through in that moment but that’s the first thing that came to mind… so then I took a breath and realized, I don’t think about anyone else in these moments. It’s my own fear of being a burden or being unwanted that has been pushing his energy away. So I let him in, I let him comfort me. I realized that’s what his energy was trying to do all along.. just be there for me, be a shoulder to cry on. It was just so foreign to me that anyone could care about me like that… man when I tell u I bawled… I felt safe, I felt seen, I felt embraced, accepted, all the things I had craved from my family..

I really appreciate this journey and my flame. Although it’s been hard and my family not loving me the way I needed still hurts. I wish it was different but I understand it comes from a lack of love for themselves. I’m grateful that I have him, through separation we have never left each others side… this is the love I desired. It breaks my heart that I hurt him by rejecting what he was trying to give me. There has been hurt both ways but now that I’m aware of it I can continue to address and heal it. I’m so grateful for the things he’s taught me.. For so long it felt so weird to admit it but I love him so much i love him so so much wherever our paths take us, I have so much appreciation for him and the person he is. I’m grateful he exists and that he’s my other half. He’s beautiful and I am every bit worthy of him as he is every bit worthy of me. Anyways these are the moments that make this journey so worth it. Thanks for reading🖤