managing rage during flashbacks?

I've been blowing up at my boyfriend (poor thing) because sometimes I'll try to have a flashback and he triggers me more. We had a good long conversation last night where I actually managed to not just blow up and leave the conversation to go calm down but just assertively stated what was wrong and how he could fix it.

He tends to try to help but sometimes if whatever comfort he gives is not what I need he can either get really defensive or just tell me he didn't do that but could understand why I FEEL that way. (He has OCPD) and it actually triggers my anger for very obvious reasons during intense anxiety.

However I'm not doing good either because blowing up and muting and blocking everytime there's is a conflict (flight response) isn't good or healthy

I'm just at this point that I'm starting to feel like nobody understands me and it's very turbulent.

Yes, I am in therapy and I have talked about this and am working through it.

He admitted that he doesn't have to always be right and that he shouldn't make it about himself and I have apologized for reacting not well when I need to state what I need.

I told my therapist there was a physical feeling when I was vulnerable (like a flashback in my body) and this might be why (my family used to hit me when I cried) and she suggested punching a pillow or doing something physical to 'get it out' I haven't had a chance to try it yet

H0wever I feel like my abuser and maybe it's also just me supressing my emotions from getting abused currently .