Can’t get over this one specific thing

I don’t want my sexuality to change. It’s the MAIN thing eating me up about transitioning, and I have literally NO idea why. It’s made me cry, it’s made me consider de-transitioning, it’s made me consider suicide, etc. I do not want to lose my attraction to women. It’s a massive part of my identity, I don’t want it gone. I’ve sat down, multiple times, thinking of myself(as a woman), being with a man. It doesn’t do anything, and sometimes physically repulses me. It can’t be internalized homophobia either. I live in an supportive home, and attend a supportive school. It can’t be compulsory heterosexuality, as I’m not “fully a woman”. They’ve tried using hormones in conversion therapy, and it didn’t work. It’s also only MtF’s I’ve seen that have such a high “flipping”. I have no idea why I can’t get over it.