Source
r/Parenting•
CommandApprehensive7

Atheism in the Bible Belt

Toddler 1-3 Years

I (32m) grew up in the South. My wife (29f) is from Southern California. We have two children 28m and 8m. Long story short, I grew up religious, and it wasn’t great. I was questioning it for a couple years prior to being molested by my preacher. My wife has little to no experience when it comes to church life. I guess my question is; Should I acquiesce and put our children in church related daycare programs, because they’re free/cheap? I mean, I know this is how they get ya. But we really don’t have a choice otherwise if we are both going to work. Capitalism, in central AR, means that we rely on these resources to have a nice life. I want a nice life for my girls, but I can it bring myself to put them in these childcare systems that are Christ centric. Help? Idk

Posted May 8, 2022, 6:45 AM UTC

932
vampireheart326•

I went to a church daycare from age 3 to 11. It was non-denominational and from my experience, all I learned was some songs. My parents never forced religion onto me outside of daycare.

Hubby and I decided a church daycare would be our last choice for childcare and by some stroke of luck found a Montessori daycare that I absolutely adore.

17
CommandApprehensive7OP•

That sounds nice. And something like that would honestly be ok by me. But, this town is owned by the church of Christ. Non denominational stuff doesn’t really exist here. When you ride into town from the north end, there’s a sign listing 11 different CoC churches. The biggest business here is a private CoC college. It overrides everything. I knew it would be an issue; but I didn’t realize how deep it ran until my kids started getting older.

3
strcrssd•

You should really, seriously think about relocating. It might not be feasible for you, and that's totally respectable, but at that level of control, you're contributing to their cause/religious crap by simply living there. Using their social programs is likely going to expose your kids to their indoctrination.

6
vampireheart326•

Yeah CoC is a totally different beast. I really hope you find a daycare for your kids that's not CoC.

4
CommandApprehensive7OP•

It’s Christianity, but with extra control!

4
Big_Slope•

I’d leave the state and be homeless somewhere else before I’d let a daughter attend a Church of Christ. Women are not people as far as that church is concerned. My wife’s entire family attends it and my son will never in his life be permitted to attend with them.

2
CommandApprehensive7OP•

Yeahhhhh you get it.

1
Ok-Reporter-2688•

You can instruct your kid at home as you wish. Idk what kind of center it is. Some are pleasant and sing songs about how loved by God you are. Others tell the kids they're going to hell if they don't repent, and frankly, teach hate. I'm okay with the first kind, not the second.

1
FiendishHawk•

Make sure you counter any indoctrination by being very clear to your kiddos that you don’t believe in God. If you leave it vague they might assume you do.

8
LetsGoToTheMars•

Thankfully I didn't get molested by a preacher but you hear enough shit from religious groups that I will keep my child far away from any religious activities.

Given what you went through, I am surprised that you even consider exposing your children to any potential risks.

Perhaps you could start your own initiative with other parents?

6
CommandApprehensive7OP•

This here. I have done some reaching out to parents that don’t subscribe to this bs, but they are few and far between around here. It would make for some very disjointed classes ran by well meaning, but under qualified parents

2
CommandApprehensive7OP•

Even though I’m on here asking for advice invoking religious groups, I recommend you never get involved if ya can. It’s a proximity thing out here

2
HeartsPlayer721•

Have you checked all of the potential child care facilities and assistance programs? Don't be afraid to apply for state or federal assistance for childcare.

5
CommandApprehensive7OP•

I have. The pre-pre-K stuff is only available at 3 years old. But even then, they’re run through churches. But, the socialization is highly important for them. I’m almost willing to risk the indoctrination. Idk. I’m in a spot principally speaking. Survive with the help of the church, struggle without

1
HeartsPlayer721•

I totally understand. We're atheist and I hate the thought of my kids being indoctrinated.

Are there any people running childcare out of their homes in your area?

If not, maybe check out reviews and local mom groups on Facebook to see if any of these churches stand out as being any more or less likely to focus on the religious aspect.

3
CommandApprehensive7OP•

I’ll have to dig deeper. But on the surface, it’s all Christ centric-at home day care type stuff. I’d rather my daughters dealt with my add ass trying to play make believe than live it with the people here. It’s a town dominated by a private Christian college. We could move, but we’re here because of CoL and my momma lives here. It’ll be a few years before we ever leave. I’m just rambling a bit at this point but I’m at a loss. Yeehaw

1
HeartsPlayer721•

If you're afraid of social issues occurring if people find out you're atheist, you can try using your anonymity here on Reddit and posting in a more local sub. Maybe there really are some less religious based ideas or places that you haven't found yet and people who can help you.

It sounds crazy, but you can also try the Whisper app. It's completely anonymous and people can see posts based on location (not exactly where you are, but it'll show up in Nearby, where people can see posts from 25 miles away and less). Maybe there are others in your area with similar feelings who have answers but are just afraid to share it publicly. The anonymity might help you.

2
HeartsPlayer721•

Also, it's one thing if you need to send them someplace while you work, but if you're a stay at home parent and your only concern is socialization, you can find mom's groups or simply take your kids to the parks for socialization. I promise you that they'll be completely fine until age 3 or 4 even if they don't get a lot of socialization.

3
CommandApprehensive7OP•

Thanks for that. And we have found a couple people that we can hang out with. But it’s been hard with the scheduling

4
athaliah•

A younger, less cynical version of me would have said "they'll be fine", but these days I am SO over religion and religious doctrine. I wouldn't put my kids in any church-run activity or service even if I was paid to do it, I don't care how free/cheap it is. Hell, I avoided private daycares that even so much as mentioned a bible verse or Jesus on their websites when my kids were little. Even though we live in the bible belt too there's lots of other options where we're at though. If I literally didn't have any other options I think I would move.

5
CommandApprehensive7OP•

This is exactly how I’m feeling about it. Moving isn’t an option currently, but it is in the table. With the way the world is turning, I’m not sure if it’ll be better or worse in 5 years. Thanks for your comment, makes me feel like I’m not as crazy as it comes out

2
NeedANap1116•

I am a pretty hardcore atheist as an adult, my parents were totally non-religious, but I went to a Christian school from Preschool through 6th grade just due to the local schools being pretty bad. Yes, I learned religious songs and bible stories, but my parents countered it with a lot of "Some people believe that, but we believe..." and a lot of critical thinking and asking what I thought, or helping me research (like "Well, yeah, the world being created in 7 days doesn't really make sense, let's look into other ideas about how that happened...") I totally get it, I've done everything in my power to keep my kid out of a religious school, but I wouldn't rule it out completely for preschool.

3
CommandApprehensive7OP•

That makes sense. It’s not that I don’t want my girls to not have faith. But I’m going to encourage critical thinking and objective reasoning as best I can. Part of what makes me nervous is how stubborn and determined my toddler is. If it takes hold, I feel like it’ll stay there forever. But it’s not fair of me to make that decision for her, but I don’t want to lead her into it? Does that make sense?

2
sj4iy•

I grew up in the bible belt, now I live in PA. I'm atheist, and I put my kids into church preschool programs. The most my kids learned was some christian songs. I don't mind my children learning about religion, either...they need to, anyway. I, as the parent, can give it proper context. Now, I will say, I would not put them in a very heavy into religion church program. But we had no issues with the churches we put them in.

Basically, it didn't really have an effect on them.

2
CommandApprehensive7OP•

I know I’m being over the top, so I appreciate this comment. I want them in explore this stuff, but I don’t want it shoved down their throat. I’ll probably enroll and just monitor the situation.

3
AdministrativeAd8947•

Hey, have you checked out Kidango daycare? They go based on your income.

1
[deleted]•

[deleted]

1
coldteafordays•

I think it’s ok when they r under 5 and likely won’t remember it but it also depends on the specific program and how much religion is a part of it.

1
SnooGadgets1999•

I’m confused. I live in Hot Springs and none of the church daycare programs are free or low cost. Unless I’m completely missing something….?

1
CommandApprehensive7OP•

I’m in Searcy. They have a handful of programs that are partially or fully state funded. Some are straight up church affiliated and others are, but not officially

1
SnooGadgets1999•

Okay, so you’re basically in another world over there. Cabot is 30 minutes away, have you considered looking there for more options?

1
[deleted]•

Does not sound like you have such a strong stance against it if it is already a consideration. You don’t like the place but you want to save money. Just wanted to say that sorry no suggestions beyond finding babysitter to pay more.

-1†