My brother tried to assault me but his wife walked in.

Last month, my brother sexually assaulted me at Easter dinner with our family there. Today, I went to visit my mom for Mother’s Day. On Easter, my mom lied to me and promised my brother wouldn’t be there. Before going today, I asked my sister if he was there and she told me he wasn’t. She even sent photos to prove it. I thought I was safe. 30 minutes after I got to my parents house, he showed up with his wife and their kids. I went to my parents house late on purpose to make sure he wasn’t going to be there. It’s almost like he can read my mind.

The whole time we were there, he went out of his way to be close to me. He sat next to me, followed me if I went to a different room. He felt me up a few times, digging his fingertips into my thighs and my ass.

Eventually, he got into a conversation with our father and that distracted him. I was able to go to the bathroom without him following me. I was in the bathroom for maybe two minutes. When I opened the door, he was waiting for me. I felt frozen and I couldn’t move. He shut the door behind him and shoved me up against the sink. The edge of the sink was digging into my lower back and I tried adjusting my position but he was firm in holding me there. I always forget how strong he is. He ran his fingers over my breasts and stomach. I’d shut my eyes and tried to escape mentally. He demanded I look at him. The harshness in his voice made me tear up and I started bawling my eyes out. I just looked at the buttons on his shirt. He brought his face close to mine and pinched my arm until I made eye contact with him. He was staring into my soul. There wasn’t anything behind his eyes. No empathy, no love, maybe lust at most.

He asked me why I was crying. I felt like a child, I was just stuttering and stammering. I couldn’t get a word out. He wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me close so my pelvis was touching him. I could feel his boner. He moved his head to the side and he whispered degrading and dirty things to me. He started touching me over my leggings and rubbing me. I moaned for him. I felt so humiliated. I’m so embarrassed writing this. I was down bad for my rapist brother. I even started grinding on his fingers. He told me to touch him and I did without any hesitation. He kept calling me filthy names and telling me how I was so desperate for him, that I was making eyes at him all day. I’m questioning my reality even now. Did I make eyes at him? Did I subconsciously ask for him to trap me in the bathroom and force himself on me? Maybe I did and I’m oblivious to it. I’ve been racking my brain trying to figure out what I did to lead him on this time. Did he think me leaving for the bathroom was an invite? I’m emotionally exhausted going over it all.

The reality is he groped me without my consent the whole day, trapped me in the bathroom, and then I think he took advantage of me. I don’t know now. The lines are all blurred. I was grinding on him. I wanted him to fuck me. I wanted my rapist so bad.

His wife walked in the bathroom while I was grinding on him and stroking him. He had forgotten to lock the door. He immediately stepped away from me. I made eye contact with his wife and I’ve never been so embarrassed. I couldn’t bring myself to say anything. His wife looked horrified. He walked out of the room with her and they said nothing. I left immediately without saying goodbye, then I came home and got drunk. I don’t drink because of medication I’m on and I’ve been drunk less than five times in my life. It’s wearing off now and I don’t even know what to do with myself. I’m so scared his wife is going to divorce him and then tell my whole family what she saw. Then my parents will abandon me and I’ll have to move out of the country or something. I genuinely thought about harming myself earlier, I’m so distraught over this. I wish this was a nightmare.