Suicidal Thoughts

Never thought I will write here about my suicidal thoughts and why I having such thoughts, but here I am.

It started this time last year when I had depression and severe anxiety at work, as I felt like people are making fun of me and laughing at me as I believe there was a video of me leaked from Skype as I have taken part of Skype Session with cam models ( I know its fucking stupid and its all my fault for doing such a dumb thing exposing myself and taking the risk of someone recording me ) And I know for a fact that this is true even though one of my friends said it is not and I'm imagining things.

But people were making references and sounds which i made in those skype sessions and where I used to live people on the street, shops, etc were laughing at me and all sorts. Even a few of my friends had made such comments as " imaging having a video leaked of you " and I could carry on with examples like this. I'm 100% sure not imagining things. I don't even know now at this point who can i trust as i feel like even my friends betrayed me or they have something to do with this as I made a mistake once and betrayed my friend loyalty whom I opened up to ith this matter and It felt like he might have something to do with this... I don't know. I can't leave with these thoughts in my head.

And to top things up I started crypto trading, in the beginning, i made such a good profit, and after as I thought I will make it took out some personal loans and started trading heavily lost all of the money as i wasn't in a great mindset as I mentioned above, now I'm even in more of a depressive state because of this.. I can't think clearly my mind is all hazy I don't know what to do or how can i get through all of this.. keep saying to myself that everything gonna be alright, but i got to a point now where I feel I not going to make it. I fucked up big time.