I didn't think it would hurt this much

I initiated the separation, mid February. Really, I let him let me go after years of highs and lows and issues that neither of us stuck to fixing. We had been in each other's lives for 16 years. I'm 38f, he is 41.

Due to having children (8 and 11) and because I thought we could ride this out until the end of the school year, we have still been living together. Getting along for the most part, as parents. Occasional intimacy. Before this break up, he had been sleeping in the basement due to not sleeping well. But, we were still a couple, although I felt very lonely and abandoned.

That is why I didn't think it would hurt this much. I thought I was already used to spending my evenings and sleeping alone that it wouldn't hurt this badly. I even told my myself that it wouldn't bother me if he was with another woman.

I took my kids to see my family this past weekend. When we got home, he was acting strange and later, I looked at his phone. I invaded his privacy. I regret it so much because I know I shouldn't have and I also have words and images burned into my brain. He invited a woman to our house and... well.

I am devastated beyond belief. I can't sleep. I can't stop crying. My heart hurts so badly.

Rationally, I know he's a single guy, and can do this. He didn't cheat on me. But, I guess now I realize I was hanging on to a hope, and it's really truly all gone.

Thanks for listening.