[3750] Tomorrow's Kings Chapter 1

Hello All,

Going again now that I've learned the ways. Looking for general thoughts on my writing. What you like? What you dislike? improvements? Was it entertaining? Etc.

Thank you mod team and u/Cy-Fur for your patience as I learn the ways.

Story

All My crits:

Critique 1

Critique 2

Crit 3

Crit 4