I need strength not to go back

I need strength not to go back to him.

Things have been toxic for a while and I admit that I'm not perfect - I'm a hothead and hold things inside then let all my frustrations go. But I felt more like a mom and less like a girlfriend. I shouldered the financial burden, I cooked, cleaned and had so many fights revolving around helping me - whether it was the dishes or whatever.

I ignored some red flags. Like him saying he was going to kick my ass, as a joke but he said it often enough that it would actually bother me.

We fought and subsequently broke up today but it got there when he pushed me or as he was calling it "moving me out of the way."

I never thought it would get physical but it shakes me. He said he hated me, my family and everything about us before packing his stuff and leaving.