the spirits of a dusty room
the echoes of lingering doom
an anguished whisper from the past
a hand to make amends
the hand remains, tentative, warm;
a subtle flame without true form
but though my flame needs fuel for life,
i extinguish again
Posted May 21, 2022, 3:57 PM UTC
This is beautiful. The ghostly element winds through the poem. I love the line the " a subtle flame without true form". It makes me feel like the Lady of Shallot combined with the old tale of the ghostly hand where the fingers are lit like candles. It is evocative and moving.
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Your poem drew me in right away. I read it a few more times and found more to like on each pass.
I love the way this change from 8 syllables to 6 syllables lands. The words you chose flow beautifully into one another. These two lines are my favorite in the poem.
The final line in stanza 2 felt pretty abrupt the first time I read it, but once I processed the poem I realized that it's quite fitting for the emotions you are conveying. It pulled me out of the warmth conjured by the preceding three lines. It's an impacting ending.
Although I like the line on its own, my brain wants the second line in stanza 1 to include an "a" before "lingering" to line up with the first line, but I think that's just my personal tendency toward uniformity. Besides, it would break the 8-8-8-6 structure anyway.
Overall, I thoroughly enjoy the structure, word choice, and emotional impact of your poem. Thank you for sharing it. :)
Thank you so much for reading it and taking the time to analyze it! I'm glad you enjoyed it. c: