I agree with J&J that this is a really juicy scenario. I felt so bad for the LW listening to her situation though! It’s the one where a girl finds out that her boyfriend got drunk and told his friends he feels more secure in their relationship because she is not as hot as his ex (who cheated on him). A mutual friend told her. Until that, she felt they had a good thing going. What do you think she should do? What would you do?
Posted May 22, 2022, 4:40 PM UTC
Honestly it made me sad because 1. she's probably beautiful, just not in a insta model aesthetic sorta way. 2. him telling his friends that and then them telling her feels like betrayal on so many levels. 3. he should've communicated about how hurt he really is from his past relationships, and why he no longer prioritizes that "hot girl" aesthetic when looking for a partner. Now because she found out this way and because the words were not chosen carefully, he's created a situation where she's going to feel insecure and the sad part is they probably did/do have a good thing going. But this in my opinion is hard to come back from, because you'll always wonder if you are attractive to your partner, if he's using you as a form of settling because the things he really wants hurt him, and what other really personal and hurtful things he might have shared with his friends.
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If it sounded like a totally healthy relationship otherwise, it may be able to be worked through. Unfortunately, it sounds like the guy is absolutely not ready for a relationship. Hopping into something new a few months after a painful breakup from a longer term thing isn’t great, and he clearly isn’t over the ex. Not meaning that he’d get back together with the ex, but that he has a lot of (warranted) anger toward her and it’s coming out in ways that hurt those around him.
He needs to heal. The girl who wrote in can let him go do that, while she finds someone who IS super into her—mentally, emotionally, AND physically—and ready for a relationship. Win win.