Dark Waters

Hello Folkwood! I think you’ve got yourself a nice, simple little poem here, with a message I think anyone can get behind, there are definitely lessons to be learned from the past! I do have a few thoughts though; firstly, I think in a simple rhyming poem like this, a consistent meter goes a long way. I’m not sure what your skill level is, but meter is not just having the same number of syllables per line, it’s about the arrangement of word stresses in the line. For example:

“PLUNGE this QUILL inTO my FOUNTain”

And it’s rhyming line:

“An INsurMOUNTaBLE MOUNTain”

Do you notice how they though they should rhyme they don’t quite pop? The stress in “ble” right next to the stress in “Mount” makes for a little awkward of a read.

Other than that, I think you could really lean into the dark water imagery, rather than just touch on it. I personally like the comparison of the ink well to some dark water, presumably also in a well lol, I think this was an interesting idea you could maybe explore more.

Really though, this is overall a nice poem that could just use a little polishing. If you so choose, that is, obviously if what I said doesn’t resonate with you, then write the way you like best, these were just my thoughts, and I’m by no means, an expert. Until next time though, hope my thoughts could help. :)

I really enjoy the use of water to convey feelings and meaning. Water holds so much potential in its usage for poetry because of its association with emotion and life and death.

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