Hello! I believe this is a poem about desperation, getting lost, and then finding hope and help when shit hits bottom. I have some constructive feedback for your piece, but please take it lightly as I am a novice myself.  
  
Okay, so beginning with lines 1-4: I would flesh out the imagery to give a sense of being lost rather than saying - "I am losing everything" or "I am losing myself."   
  
Lines 5-8: You do have some imagery here. Line 7 is irrelevant because it is obvious.    
  
Line 9-11: A sense of Deja-Vu is being created with these lines.  
  
Lines 12-13: I think you need to decide either on the sun or the moon. You can't have both together. I think as this poem is about getting lost and desperation and stars being the hope you need to skip the sun as it doesn't fit in with the image you are trying to build here.  
  
Lines 14-19: This is the place your poem takes a shift from darkness towards light. You ask for help and help is received gradually.  Holding your h

**Critiques:**

There was a whole lot of telling and not much showing in this poem, though the moments when you did show rather than tell were effective. There were some lines that felt a bit tired and cliché. I didn't care for the line "sad music in the background starts to fade." I think you could inject some vitality into the poem by replacing the lines where you are telling rather than showing with concrete imagery. Also, is it night or day? Because you talk about the sun not reaching you through the canopy, but then you talk about the moon and stars. Some editing suggestions below:  


>*~~I am losing everything at once~~*  
  
*~~No time to get everything together~~*  
  
*~~I am losing myself too~~* \[if you're going to say this, name specific body parts, like hands. Hands are creepy. Finger by finger maybe.\]  
  
*I don't know the way home*  
  
*I sprained my ankle*  
  
*~~It hurts~~*  
  
*There's blood on the* *~~floor~~* \[replace floor with something more spe

This poem really reminded me of the movie "Memento." It feels like the author is in great emotional pain and is trying to make peace with themselves to finally escape the pain. The poem was painting a great visual story for me in my head, but the "sad music in the background starts to fade" broke the imagery for me. Not necessarily a criticism, just my initial reaction upon reading it aloud.


Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).

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I am losing everything at once 

No time to get everything together 

I am losing myself too

I don't know the way home 


I sprained my ankle

It hurts 

There's blood on the floor 

But I didn't bleed to death 

I think I did this before 


I got lost in the woods 

There's no way home 

A canopy of trees blocking the sunlight 

The moon doesn't shine at all 

The stars are the only hope 


Held out my hand for help 

Please hold it tightly and don't let go

The pain disappears but I still feel low 


Sad music in the background starts to fade 

With every ray of hope I wait




Links:
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/u8pizb/poetry/i8xxwp6?utm_medium=android_app&amp;utm_source=share&amp;context=3

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/u8rd76/dead/i8xyo2u?utm_medium=android_app&amp;utm_source=share&amp;context=3

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