I really enjoy the repetition of I and they at the beginning of each line it adds a sense of musicality. Another thing is how it comes around full circle with its idea. Now I think it could be a little descriptive and abstract. Don’t give us the full answer let our minds wander a little. Other then that it’s really nice!

The extensive utilization of imagery within this poem makes it clear how truly important your abode was to you- and how devastating it was when it was destroyed. I personally like the personification of the stars in the second part- as you say, they were “killed”. Keep writing! This made me genuinely feel sorrow.

I’m not much of a poet, but I truly admire the description given in small notes, about the landscape. The feeling of loss also collides perfectly with the thought of beauty.

There is a mixture of emotions here - the thing that seems to be displayed here is acceptance rather than sadness.

Now I am not sure if this home is a metaphor for something that is deeply sentimental or loved, or perhaps the actual absence of an actual place that is called home.

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I do not know who "they" are but I assume that it is a foreign or an alien presence, given that they are not given a name so it makes them too non-human to be identifiable.

So I assume that "they" are something so non-human that they are too vile to be given a thing to identify - an enemy or perhaps something beyond human comprehension

This is a beautiful setting, and I can really feel the despair of losing it when I read. Makes me wonder what it all means, or what it all means to me. This is also an excellent showcase of how repetition can contribute to the piece.


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This is beautifully sad. I felt like I was there with you running the meadows and sleeping underneath the starry sky. I was hoping you’d end in a question like where will we all go, but the matter-of-factness to the ending line serves exactly as it should. It feels harsh to me, as it should. Good work.

I love the elegance in its simplicity. So much is said with so few words. I like the balance of the "I" and the "they". From a technical standpoint, it seems that "I ate its wheatfield bread" doesn't have a "they" counter. Perhaps that was intentional though, to provide a sense of asymmetry / unbalance.

I enjoy how the short, repetitive, almost Hemingway-esque lines paint a picture. They manage to both downplay and underscore the horror of the situation. If I may offer one criticism, the 5th line rather sticks out (both figuratively and literally). I'd recommend maybe splitting it into two lines or to maintain the structure of the poem.

I ran in its meadow

I slept under the stars of its sky

I ate its wheatfield bread

I drank the water of its river

I ran to my house with the sparrows and the smell of its flower gardens

They burned the meadow

They killed the stars

They drank the river

They beheaded the sparrows too

Now among the ruins 

I no longer have a home

[1](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/jqbva0/-/ia62rfc),[2](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/ibjhrn/-/ia64fmf)

I had a home