Thanks, Low-Tie. I'm a bit overdue for a cold shower myself after putting this together, haha.

Damn Red, there’s nothing timid about this. Phewwwww, I think I need a cigarette and some ice water, not necessarily in that order. 

“Tongues”, “breaches”, etc, the language is provocative from the very beginning, but really climaxes (pun intended) at “the ghost sublime”. Although it’s a little ambiguous, it definitely feels like the right place (pun intended) to put a hard stop. 

The last four lines feel more like a reflection on the act of the lovers making love, and I appreciate the divinity you brought to it. 

I really like the subtle, but straightforward, narrative of the lovers on a kayaking trip, and the real world setting provided by the title. As always, you make excellent use of enjambment, and I like the peppering of slant rhymes here and there, “mine/entwined/brine” for example.

I appreciate your commitment to the Workshop, and honing your craft in general, but I think this is already pretty polished. Really a good read, Red.

Wowowowowow someone label this nsfw lol. But really, this is great. I agree that even from the beginning it’s veryyyy sensual, and I was into it. I was wondering why I was getting all hot and worked up just from reading about the shore, even before the droplets on the fingertips (which I are two words that are really nice together, btw). I mean I knew I already love the water, but I was like, I guess I’m IN love with the water?! Then I read the rest and I went “oh duh, yeah, of course we’re going there.” It was a pleasant surprise. 

The only thing I didn’t like was the ending, particularly the last line or even word. Maybe it felt a little contrived? Or maybe I was sad for it to end? Maybe I wanted round two, lol. I guess and maybe that’s the point. Maybe each reader, like each lover, feels differently at the end.

Thank you so much for your kind words and specific feedback. I'm totally with you on the 'ghost sublime,' 'forever,' and the stilted language of the ending, but I was trying my darndest to earn them, so I'm glad to hear it didn't bother you. I wanted to keep them because it was supposed to be this sort of sexually charged inversion of the Lord's prayer, which is where the kingdom/power/glory comes from.

**Critiques:**

So, I don't like sex poems, but damnit, this one won me over! The only critique I can come up with is that I think starting a sentence with "for our glory" is *almost* stilted, but it was entirely appropriate here. I feel like I've failed you because I can't find a real flaw in this poem. I usually don't like the words "forever" or "sublime" in poems, but they didn't bother me at all in this poem.

**Compliments:**

I felt this poem like a physical presence. Every line ending felt well chosen. I usually hate sex poems, but this spoke to me. This poem actually changed the way I think about intimacy. Maybe it's because I'm a sucker for oceanic imagery, but all of the details in this poem landed just right--there wasn't too much or too little. I hope I can learn to strike that balance someday. This is an absolutely stunning piece.


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