Source
r/OCPoetry•
TheTurtleVirus

What's your number?

Poem

What's your number?

My number is one.

One child needs to die in school before I'm willing to talk about what can be done.

One mother and father to live life no longer with their son.

One officer, whose story, the politicians have spun.

One nation, under God, casting blame at anything but the gun.

What's your number?

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/v5rvzm/platonic_lie_by_joe_mckeown_me/ibeda0k?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3 https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/v69lxo/love_hacked/ibea0ix?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3

Posted Jun 6, 2022, 7:30 PM UTC

513
PuzzleheadedGreen708•

very interesting use of a commonly used phrase. changing its original conversational meaning to something more profound. very topical and relevant as well! great job

4
TheTurtleVirusOP•

Thanks! This is something I've been thinking about for awhile. Everyone has a number, whether it's 1 or 10,000. At some point no one can avoid talking about solutions to gun violence, it just seems that for some people in power than number is higher than for others.

1
passionateninja•

Besides the fact that I hate that you have to write this at all, I love how this says so much in so few words. The title is clever too. Great work. Heartbreaking subject.

3
TheTurtleVirusOP•

Thank you! I hate it too. :(

1
devilhexme2•

very scary and real. there is no other number more lonely than the number one. its scary to think of an indivuals capability to impact the word. You are able to impact the world with these writings, amazing job.

3
TheTurtleVirusOP•

Thank you!

1
4mymother•

This made me feel things... simple yet powerful. My only feedback would be to not start with "what's your number" since that is the title of this poem. I feel like going into "my number is one" is more effective and a more direct statement, it would start off by showing that you're certain in your conviction. Does that make sense? Leaving the "what's your number" as the last line is more powerful imo. Just some thoughts, already beautiful as it is. Thank you for sharing.

2
TheTurtleVirusOP•

Thanks for the feedback! I think you're right about that.

2
[deleted]•

[deleted]

2
TheTurtleVirusOP•

Thanks! Great continuation of the poem too :)

1
AnAccountforBadPoems•

My only problem is this poem has to exist lol. It’s very much true for so many of us that one is too many but it feels as if thousands will never be enough for others.

2
Sixtytenner•

Good work - I like that the title is used to begin the poem itself. It raises a great question given the frequency of these shootings and how with each one there are slowly more people changing their opinion and wanting something done. It's an interesting take on the matter.

I also like the last line, mainly the use of the "One Nation, Under God" as it's a clever nod to the refusal of the political machine of the USA and its refusal to act.

Nicely done.

2
TheTurtleVirusOP•

Thank you! I'm somewhat of a mathematician and I often think of how things behave as they approach the limits. Surely, if every school had a shooting every day then every single rational person would have to acknowledge the issue and address it. I'm ready to acknowledge the issue and address it after a single shooting. That must mean that everyone has a number of shootings in between 1 and infinity, that they are ready to start the conversation. That was my thought process :)

1
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1