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thankyou so much ! i could not work out how to make it format properly haha

Edit this with an extra space between each line break and three spaces after each stanza with a period in the center space. It’ll get the format right when posted from mobile.

So

Kinda

.

Like 

this. 


I like this one, it’s raw and honest, and I’d like to see it in the form you wrote it in. Of course maybe you intended for it to be just two paragraphs and I’m just an idiot. That’s always a possibility.

One day Alice!

*POP!*

Straight to the moon.

Beauty is in the I of the beholder. May your struggles pass. This is excellent work. The expression is there. Now listen to what you have to say to us. What's left unspoken?

What else is there to say? Thank you...for your sorrow expressed. Full baptism. You are clean.

thankyou so so much this is so helpful !!!

This is great for a first post - so much potential here!

You said you don't know what to title this - I think the first line would make for a great title, then change line 2 to be your first line.

Please add proper capitalization and punctuation.  Both are often a matter of taste for the writer but you are leaving a valuable tool to go to waste by not using either at all.

For example:

>How many times can I use the excuse—  
*I dropped my top in the shower*  
before my mother catches on?

the next line starting with "that" I think you could adjust.  Ending with the question mark here is almost like completing a solid introduction to your piece.  

Try not to repeat words unless it's for a specific purpose - for example see/unsee - use other verbs such as look.

I like the line "I cling to the fabric" - I think you could add to this visualization "as the fabric clings to me"

"divided and conquered" - this line feels random - what exactly is divided and conquered?  I would assume the

Very good one. To me this reads as someone recovering and just wanting to be better and feel better. Nothing can make them feel the way they want to. Extremely moving

wet shirt on the radiator

how many times can i use the excuse

i dropped my top in the shower

before my mother catches on

that her baby cannot see her naked body in the light of day again when

his touch left traces i cannot unsee

i feel his mouth on me

and when the water pours

i cling to the fabric 

it is my armour

.

divided and conquered

i curl 

my fingers into fists and stare at the wall

fight the nausea off and scrub my body clean

when will she be pristine again

feedback:

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/v6yfba/another_sleepless_night/ibk5sez/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app&amp;utm_name=iossmf&amp;context=3

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/v7dra6/the_north_star/ibk6lsy/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app&amp;utm_name=iossmf&amp;context=3

clean (first post and idk what to title it !)