The Apartments
A man without a home, Preaching how his god will save him,
The apartment windows open, Everyone berates him,
In truth I also hate him, But the one that I hate more,
Is the man that lives above me, On the 7th floor,
He beats up on his wife, And loves to call her whore,
But she often finds revenge, On the 9th floor,
With a man with a Mercedes, Who says he loves her more,
I don’t encourage cheating, But her courage I adore,
On the 12th floor, Lives an ex-cop,
He shot a man who shot first, And then he lost his job,
Since his wife left, He only has his dog,
And everyday he feeds him, And takes him for a walk,
At the very top, The place I’d like to be,
There lives a happy man, With a happy family,
Away from all the noise, And the shit I have to see,
I hate this man the most, Because he laughs at me.
Posted Jun 13, 2022, 10:08 PM UTC · edited
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Thank you for reading and for the nice comment, have a great day!
Thank you. After reading it a few more times, I have some more to say, is that ok?
First, I love how you've presented everyone's "issues" and connected it to how "high" they live up. Starting with the man without a home to everyone who wants to be on a higher floor, and at the top, the highest floor, lives the happy man with a happy family, where you want to be. With that being said, I don't quite get the part about the ex cop. I feel like the ex-cop doesn't really add anything to this poem, like the man on the 9th floor with a Mercedes for example.
I also feel like dividing this poem into stanzas might be just what it needs. I feel like it'll be easier to read and each stanza develops it more just like how the number of floors goes up as you read. Does that make sense? Take my advice with a grain of salt though. Just some thoughts. I really like this poem.
That’s okay I’m always open to feedback! One of the main things that I was going for with this poem was that everyone has problems. The homeless man, my protagonist, the scumbag wife beater above the protagonist, the man having an affair with a married woman, the depressed ex-cop who finds peace in taking care of his dog, and even the family man up top who is hated by the protagonist. Notice that the problems get less severe as you move up, all the way to the top floor whose only problem is that the protagonist is jealous of him. I feel like the cop serves as the next level, where life isn’t perfect, but it’s not to bad because he has his dog who he takes care of. It could also be looked at that on the 7th floor, a women is being extremely unappreciated. But on the 12th floor a dog has a good home and a loving owner. I guess the cop doesn’t necessarily have to be a cop with a dark past, he could’ve been anyone. But if I walk upstairs right now and open that apartment door it really could be anyone, so why not a cop?
As far as stanzas go, that’s something I’m really going to have to consider. I am still fairly new at this and trying to gain my wings, I’ll figure it out
I hope I answered your questions well enough. Again thank you for your feedback and support, I really do appreciate it.
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