How many relationships did you have before giving up entirely?
Had a 1, 8, 4, and then 2 years. 31(M) now and I'm like, "man this is exhausting"
Posted Jun 14, 2022, 3:44 PM UTC
1270
7 engagements over 20 years of dating. another 6 girlfriends scattered between engagements. 10 ended up cheating, 2 attempted to baby trap me with another man’s kid, 1 stalked me enough to where I moved cities, and one stabbed me after I broke up with her for cheating.
I’m like 95% done with relationships. I won’t say 100% just in case there is that woman I trust enough to attempt to marry.
16
You have terrible taste in women
42
Obviously which is why I stopped. You must be a crack detective.
17
Victim blaming.
4
Are you saying he doesn't have bad taste? No one said he's morally in the wrong
1†
You have terrible taste in women
People date people of their own kind. :)
3†
Oh man, just reading yours made me feel like 100% done. Must be wild though between those baby traps and stabbing.
5
Oh man, I skimmed a hell of a lot with that too. My relationships have basically been a hellscape of nightmares littered with land mines. Some people just aren’t suitable for relationships and I came to the realization I’m one of those. Far happier now that I stopped trying.
5
I didn't give up, I only adjusted to reality.
13
Show me the ways!
2
On one hand you need to be frugal. On the other hand you should not make any compromises. Compromises are the road to hell, they turn something that's supposed to be enjoyable into a job you won't even get paid for. Nobody gives a shit about how much you sacrifice to make a relationship work that isn't supposed to work in the first place (riding a dead horse).
Always take people (in this case [potential] partners) the way they are now, not how you want/expect them to be in the future - because the day when everything turns out to be fine will never come. What you get right now is always the best version.
And last but not least: Independence is crucial because it enables love while dependency negates love and leads sooner or later to resentment. Never make yourself dependent of your partner, never let your partner become dependent of you.
10
Should've read the second paragraph a year or so ago. would've saved me from some misery and torture
5
I learned it the hard way. I learned how pointless waiting is no matter what you're waiting for...
3
Same , I'm getting out of a toxic relationship today after reading this . I can't do it anymore , I've sacrificed so much of myself there's barely a husk of what I was when I started.
2
After becoming single again in my late 30s after a 10 year relationship + marriage, just the thought of getting back on dating sites exhausts me.
Don't know if I've necessarily given up, I wouldn't be opposed to getting into another relationship if I just so happened to hit it off with a guy while I'm out living my life, but I care so little about it that I'm taking no active steps to make it happen.
11
Having to restart again sucks big time now.
6
This. I'm almost 40, and finding an attractive, single woman who doesn't have kids is impossible.
2
If I found myself single again as a forty-something male, and wanted to date women (not a given since I'm bisexual but have only ever been with women) I'd go for women in their 50s and 60s who take good enough care of themselves that they still look like they're in their 40s. By then their kids should be grown up and on their own.
This might not work for you, of course, but when I was in my teens and twenties I was into women in their 30s and 40s.
2
Why do you HAVE to use dating sites? Isn't that shit tacky?
0
I'm gay, I don't live in a "gayborhood," the closest gay bar is too inconvenient to go to when I just want to have an after work drink with friends, and I don't have the free time in my life to volunteer for some kind of LGBT organization... so without dating/hookup apps, the chances of me randomly running into another gay person are fairly low (let alone a gay person who I'm attracted to, is attracted to me, and who I have a compatible personality with)
1
I feel the same way, but I’m done with the apps. They don’t have nothing on there that ain’t trying to get back to getting fulfilled by that app. It’s very hard and unfortunately it hurts being gay. Sucks to not be able to just walk up to some nice fellow and ask em out on a date without being punched in the face. There’s hardly in gay men that want forever or willing to put the work in. Don’t date older men they are solidified in their ways.
1
Take a break and stick to short terms for a few years and definitely don't move in. Way less stressful.
Just date, hang out, fuck and enjoy life. Relationships should be an accent to your life not the entire core of it.
4
This. My last felt like I'm dragging a tank or something.
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4
I mean, I have several relationships going on right now. It's not like I'm looking to have only one. I guess I don't find relationships as exhausting as you do, but I also don't do cohabitation, seeing each other every day, getting introduced to family etc.
There are many ways to have relationships. The great thing about being an adult is the freedom of choice.
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3
I see your sentiment, but don't fails drag you down emotionally? Seeing as most of my relationships went down hard, I can't help but feel down about starting a new one. Maybe anxiety is getting me.
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3
Makes whole lot a sense. But married the guy after you would make feel bad in a comparative sense. But yeah, I'll try look this your way, maybe it'll shed light on me in a more positive and meaningful way. Appreciate this.
2
Four long-term relationships, meaning they exceeded a year. I gave up on marriage, probably even the possibility of a long-term relationship as well, but I've never given up on shorter-term dating and sex. They don't require nearly as much effort and when you're not chasing a wedding you can just dip out and move on to the next as soon as things get hairy or boring.
3
Never done short term, like you're changing socks. There's just something about long-term ones that often seem to fail fast at the end, often with little to no warning. And you'd thought it can be fixed. Maybe it's just me.
3
Maybe. I suppose all of mine might have seemed like they ended rather abruptly, I know a couple of them did, but I always found myself seething for at least a month or two before I broke it off. With the benefit of hindsight I can see all the signs that they weren't going to work were there for a loooooong time, I just ignored them.
Which is why I don't do long-term. It's not so much a choice to not pursue a long-term relationship as it is seeing all the flags and, as of yet, not meeting a gal that I think would be worth the effort. I've "given up" on long-term because I've just accepted that it's probably never going to happen for me. Combine that with not wanting anymore kids, and any motivation to stick with a gal longer than a few months is basically gone.
0
One, but after a few years the ol' "wasn't looking for love, but it found me" trope came along, and we've been together for 5 years.
2
Zero.
I didn't need to experience the real thing, because the process to get to it is just way too tiring. Besides, I had my chances and didn't take advantage of them, and now it seems like it's a drought. It's unlikely for me to go out of my way and change that when I'm busy trying to survive and have my bit of fun to distract me.
2
As a gay man I’m 0-3 and at this point I don’t even want to touch another human being. Porn will be more than an addiction it’s be a lifestyle.
2
Giving up is a good thing.
It takes all the pressure off. The things in life are found when you aren't looking for them.
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1
Just one. It didn't turn me bitter. I fucked around in university for a few years after. Then started working full time. Then realized what it would mean to be in an adult relationship, o I decided I don't ever want one. I'll be a decade single this August. Life is realistically as good as its ever going to get for me. Dating would only make it worse.
2
I didnt? I've had half a dozen relationships but that doesnt mean I'm giving up
1
Man, that many? Doesn't the repetition of getting to know the person, getting introduced to their family, seem, tiring?
1
I didnt meet all of their families, so not really. Sure it was disheartening but I've been with my current partner closing in on a year and somethings different when it comes to him. In a good way I mean. You'll find someone man, not worth giving up just yet.
2
The same feeling got me excited too, but it went down the drain as well. Felt like a house you've built suddenly collapsed. Yeah, maybe I'll just chill for now, see where it takes me.
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1
I didn't even really try
1
A handful.
1
I had 4, got led around for 6 months then decided it just wasn't worth it.
Edit: 37 btw.
1
I’m in my 30s and am still at 0. I pretty much gave up before I started.
“A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.”
Same but still have not given up 100%, so it is an open wound.
I realized women NEVER do anything for any man that is not attractive to them and is not family, they basically ignore them. They start to feel the same as they get in their 40s and attention dwelves, but men always suffer it.
My little "revenge" is not violent, but it is that I do not help non family women as much anymore unless it is required by my work. I know it may hurt my chances but it reallydoes not if my chances are 0.
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Don’t give up if a relationship is something you’re looking for. Work on yourself & work on being your authentic self. If you’re sad, figure out why that is (it’s rarely anything external) and ask yourself questions. If you’re sad, why are you sad? How do I feel when I’m sad? What triggers this sadness. Is this internal or external triggers. If external forget about it, if internal, keep digging until you’re exhausted from asking yourself questions. The first answer you tell yourself after asking is rarely the right one. Keep at it homie!