Nothingness

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Critiques:

There were quite a few filler words and phrases. There were also a few typos and words that I personally thought should be trimmed. The capitalization was also all over the place. I feel like what this poem really needs right now is a basic copyedit. Some examples of the things I'm talking about below:

Oh how sweet the sound of nothing,

Darkness descends on the horizon like it does for this fateful ritual,

This time the blackness stays forever,

Nothingness,

So peaceful yet so controversial,

legions of men succumb to it everyday**,

yet [it is] its such a mortal sin to want passage to this stage of eternal peace,

Circumstances, fatal flaws, the understanding,

Broken since the moment I took my first breathe,

Doomed to a life of mediocrity and unfulfilled potential**,

Lack of self awareness, and short sightedness have led to a life squandered,

opportunities lost, bridges burned,

the woman of my dreams, pushed to the edge of her willingness to look past this monster,

the undefeated face of time laughs at the wasted days, hours, minutes,

the ugly hand dealt by life, firms its grasp on not only I, but my loved ones as well,

sickness, disease, whether mental or physical, seem to lurk ever present,

their threats felt by mine and close to mine,

i[']m tired,

There are a lot of missing apostrophes. "I" is only capitalized sometimes. The capitalization in the poem was pretty confusing and didn't seem to follow any particular pattern. The other issues were the lack of concrete details and the abundance of cliché. The latter problem will likely be fixed by addressing the former. Including specific, sensory details tends to render the clichés unnecessary.

Compliments and Reactions:

You had some interesting ideas in there. With enough editing (a lot of trimming down the clichés and beefing up the sensory details), I think those ideas will really shine through. For example, I liked "my miswiring..my misfires..my short circuits.." It think maybe if you focus on that metaphor and write us a poem about a literal android failing at love, you'll be able to convey a lot of the points you make in the poem in a more novel and interesting way. Also consider putting some structure into the poem--I know you chose not to include structure, but the idea of a malfunctioning android partner would naturally lend itself to almost computer-like structure. Even lines, a regular number of syllables in each line (it's past 4 in the morning and I'm forgetting the word for this)--that would make the poem more effective. These are just my opinions though.