The Maturing of a Love
[removed]
Posted Jun 20, 2022, 6:34 PM UTC
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"It has now deepened itself permanently into my core" what an amazing line I feel like the way you described that feeling you put into words something I feel in my spirit. I love your poem
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Thank you!
It is true, so maybe that ends up packing more weight into the line.
Regardless of what I do, I'll stubbornly defy this person's expectations and never forget her or what we've had.
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There's a lot to like about this, and I really like how you're telling a story.
I wonder if you might benefit from not being so keen to have every couplet rhyme? There's some really good stuff in here in my opinion, I especially like the "Not that I would want it any other way, even if it meant going insane" line, but I feel like in your poem the rhyme is overtaking the meaning at the moment.
Obviously that is just my opinion and others may disagree. There's a lot to like about your poem right now.
I kind of like looking for words to make a rhyme, and I know I could make a rhyme-free poem and pretty much just speak my mind.
This story is indeed true and I am in the process of learning how to live with this feeling that is eating away at me.
It's a lot better now, hence the tittle.
I'll try something less dependant on rhymes next time.
Thank you so much for your feedback 🤩
Honestly, one of the best things about poetry is that it gives us all an outlet to try to express our feelings, it doesn't really matter if the poems are good or not. I know what you mean, and believe me I've written some absolutely atrocious crap in my time, and I'm no expert but I thought your poem definitely had some promise! I think you should keep it because it has some really good stuff that you might want to use in the future. (And all this, of course, is only my opinion).
I loved the rhymes, it helps to translate your experience to someone else and that is something that especially in matters of love poems is so great. Its the effort and dedication that makes it, like in anything. Like who doesnt like it when a rhyme and rhytm just snaps together? Its cool if people lack the sense for that and go from there, but yea i really liked this one because it had that.
Truly a beautiful poem!
To pin down also i want the smoothness and cadence, just without flaw. The melting part really hit in structure and in words. This symmetry makes it inherently beautiful.
Aw... Thank you for that.
I was kind of sharing these with the person that inspired them, but I think I am just annoying her at this point.
These poems ring true, which is the sad part.
I think I'll keep this one to myself.
keep for yourself what the other lacks appreciation/understanding for or what is too overwhelming :)