For months I have been pretending to be "Better" but now more than anything I want to disappear.

I'm on break at work and I can't help but go back to a few hours ago where I was holding yet another bottle of pills and creating a crater in my arm with a pair of scissors. Not healthy, I know. Looking for attention, NO. Just venting or having a place to put my thoughts because I can no longer talk to the people around me, even my therapist who I have told that I am getting better.

I'm in a break room but all I want to do is cry, I'm holding it in because there is a guy muttering about cheesecakes sitting across from me. But life, it hasn't been kind to me. I'm not going to give you a sob story because I've told it too many times and it feels pointless trying to explain all this.

I have a boyfriend, he says he loves me. I love him, but I don't or can't believe he loves me. I have a father who says I am the only thing in the world keeping him going, but he would be heartbroken but able to go on without me.

I want to die, but can't, because of the ties I have to this stupid little planet in this gigantic galaxy.