My best friends :), I need help

First of all, I can't be more thankful for the reddit community. You guys are absolutely amazing. It is unreal how helpful, supportive, creative, and million other positive adjectives describe this community.

I've been feeling depressed lately and it keeps getting worse :(. I am in a sexless marriage, and by that I mean she doesn't even live with me most of the time, because of her busy traveling schedule. Well, so what? a lot of guys are in sexless marriages and they are OK. So, I decided to just deal with it for about 2 years now, but it isn't getting any easier.

What makes matters worse is that I compete in Men's Physique shows and with my workouts, leaning down, supplements and everything I get even more horny than "normal". I am dying for even just a blow job because my wife doesn't give blow jobs claiming that I am too thick for her jaw, which I don't believe because I don't think I have anything more than average.

I have been fighting myself so hard to not go and get a blow job, but it keeps getting harder and harder and I am just a hair away from doing it. I don't even know what I am asking from you guys, I guess I am just ranting and maybe someone will have a good advice for me.

Either way, I appreciate you reading my post.