Going through my first break up out of a 1 year relationship.

Me- M(17) Her- F(15)

Tl;DR- Broke up with my first love the other night. I feel like a terrible person, even though the relationship was unhealthy for me. I miss her and can't get over the fact that I broke her heart. This is my first break up, and I don't know what to do with myself. I just feel extremely depressed and angry at myself.

She was my first girlfriend, I hadn't even gone on a date or kissed anyone before her. We met online, and became good friends for about a year. Eventually, we got involved in a long distance relationship with each other. After our parents got involved, we finally were able to start seeing each other. We only live an hour away from each other, so I got to see her about once a week. We were so proud of ourselves that we overcame such a big hurdle in order to be together.

After the 1 year mark, things started going downhill. Sporadic arguments and overall displeasure started to arise. The reason being that she's very clingy, jealous, sensitive, and controlling. And for the most part I'm laid back, straight forward, and need space from time to time. The more she suffocated me and tried to control me, the more I felt the need to pull away. We talked about it, and tried for months to work things out.

The other night, I had to cut it off. I couldn't take the obvious clashing of our critical differences anymore. It felt good at first, like a weight had been lifted off of me. But no more than an hour or so afterwards, I felt horrible. I still feel horrible. I broke her heart, and I feel like the biggest monster in history. She was so upset- I had never directly made her cry before. It broke my heart.

I know that this all sounds kind of petty considering our ages, but she was my first love. I mean, god dammit, she was everything to me. I'm mature enough to understand that it's rare for a first relationship to last forever, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. I don't know how to handle this. I feel like I'm losing my mind.

Not only do I feel like a terrible person, but I miss her horribly and feel like I made a mistake, even though the relationship was unhealthy for me to be in. Everyone is coddling her and comforting her, and nobody seems to take into consideration that I'm going through something as well. It almost makes me wonder if I even have a right to feel this way about it.

I don't have any friends, and I feel like I don't have any hope of finding another girl in the future. I mean, there's a reason I hadn't dated even once until I was 16. She has more friends than she'll ever need, and there are plenty of people I know are interested in her. I know this shouldn't bother me, because I did it to myself. But fuck, I really feel like I threw away something I'll never get back, even though I know that may or may not be true.

EDIT- At the time, our age difference didn't seem like a big deal considering we're only 2 years apart. But at our age, even a couple of years can be a big maturity gap. I learned this the hard way. Just wanted to make it clear that I'm not discrediting the fact that our age difference probably had something to do with our dynamic.