Crazy, Obsessive, and Unusual Behaviors?

What are crazy, obsessive, unusual, or other behaviors or actions you do that no one else has any clue you do? I'll go first:

--TDLR: I BECOME A SKILLED TACTICIAN TO AVOID WASHING MY HANDS AND TO AVOID BEING HEARD IF THERE ARE PEOPLE OUTSIDE/NEAR THE BATHROOM AND IAM GOING NUMERO UNO--

While going to the bathroom the other day, I realized something rather unusual I do (rather disgusting too. Well actually, f**k you, I dont care) while going numero uno. When I go to the bathroom, and I know other people are near/outside the bathroom, I become a skilled tactician to avoid both washing my hands, and being heard. I begin by picking out a spot on the wall of the inner toiletbowl wall to pee on. Sometimes its on the side, sometimes its at the back of the bowl, it all depends on the shape of the toilet. You have to adapt to the situation. This way, your pee is silenced and no one can listen in from the outside (this is especially necessary if the listener is a girl b/c they read into that shit in regard to dick size, trust me.). I then begin peeing, and I soon free up one hand and place it on the flush handle. I try to time the flush perfectly so that the flush beings while I am still peeing, but the flush ends just as I am done peeing. This way, I put more time between the toilet flushing and me walking out (b/c now there are post flush activities - zipping pants, etc.) - you cant just flush and walkout because it will give you away. Normally it ends here, but sometimes, I know I have to push ALL IN. In these cases, I will have to turn the facet on and let it run for a few seconds. Note: most bathroom facets are loud enough that they will be heard from the outside - if in doubt, run it for a few seconds. Then, You must be very careful, DO NOT WALK OUT RIGHT AWAY. Presumably your hands would now be wet. For the astute bathroom listeners, you now have to pause a few moments when you would normally be drying your hands to sell that you washed them. Once ready, exit. Next level strategy: On the off occasion anyone wants to shake hands, high five, or otherwise touch your hands, remark, "Sorry, I can't. My hands are still a little wet from washing them after going to the bathroom." MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

And to all of who are thinking, why not just wash them? F**K OFF.