My masterpiece(?)

This is the latest drawing I've been working on, for a request I saw on here. This one took me about 3 days to complete. I went through and spell-checked everything and think I have it all correct (it would be amazing if I did on a piece this size).

Anyways, have a read, and tell me what you think.

UPDATED (v3): http://i.imgur.com/DTK3kh.jpg