New theory for Pyro update

Ok, so with all the buzz around the web with Pyro being Poopy Joe, or the alternative theory that he is Abraham Lincoln, I think me and my friend have come up with a grand theory. He is both. First, a reference as to Abraham Lincoln being a pyro: http://www.teamfortress.com/loosecanon/05.html

Second, there are theories that support Poopy Joe, most of which can be found on this r/tf2 post: http://www.reddit.com/r/tf2/comments/veu75/psa_arg_update_explaining_like_youre_five/

But I bring you this image: http://www.thesecretlair.com/main/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/Planet-of-the-Apes-Lincoln.jpg

That is Ape Lincoln from Planet of the Apes. This would explain so much. As my friend said, "they used the live long machine and poopy joe to save lincoln, so he looks half like a monkey now, so he hides in the suit". And in the future, it is revealed that the Pyro is half monkey/half Abraham Lincoln, and thus, the apes that inherit our planet if the future honor him in the form of the Ape Lincoln statue.

Anyways, that's the theory we came up with, and any ideas or criticism would be appreciated.

Or we can just wait till Monday...