I am a mid 20s male with shy bladder (Paruresis) which can sometimes control many aspects of my life. Does anyone else on reddit deal with this or some other hidden issue which no one knows about, but controls many of your decisions?

I am not sure when this started, but I cannot use the restroom when anyone else is in the room. I am an otherwise healthy normal mid 20s male. I know it has been since my sophomore year of college. I completely lock up and even have trouble once they leave and I am alone. This doesn’t matter how large or small the public restroom. I have tried all the tricks from doing math in one’s head to trying to condition myself with different levels of “publicness” with no real change. Even if the restroom private, but close in to where others can hear I still am unable to go. Many people do not understand paruresis and think it is the fear of using the restroom in public. However, this is the exact opposite; it is the fear of not being able to go that paradoxically causes one to lock up.

This really limits my public activities more than I would like. I love to go to concerts, bars, etc, but all of those places have large public restrooms and I eventually wind up being miserable because I have to urinate very baldly but cannot find anywhere I can go. For the past several years I have been avoiding places that I have to stay for a long period of time that do not have public restrooms such as sporting events, concerts, and bars. No one but my wife knows about this and most people just see me as not liking large crowds, as this is the excuse I use. In the places I frequent I know every single restroom and where to find the restrooms that have low traffic.

I will be starting another job soon which only has larger public restrooms. I am worried about how this is going to work. Reddit, they say 10% of the population has some form of this, does anyone have any tips to help me overcome this? Do you have any similar issues that no one knows about, but limits your public activities?