I'm drunk and tired of this shit. Ex rang me tonight and I'm tired of these mind games.

So I found out that my ex girlfriend is going to my friends birthday next Friday( I made a post last night about this). So tonight I went out with my friends to my local pub, to have a few sociable drinks.. when She rang me and we were on the phone for 2 hours.

I still love my ex, we broke up but I will always have a place in my heart for her. But her mind games are too much for me. She went on how she wants to get back together and how the last few months have been the worse in the world for her.

But for me they have been great, I changed my entire life, lost weight, enjoyed life, built up muscle, made new friends .. but I have this gaping hole which I think she is the only one which can fill.

But she seems to only ring me on nights out, which I cant talk to her properly (I've been out drinking for the last 8 nights, and when she does ring I've had 8-10 pints already) I want to get back with her, but I don't think she has change, she left me due to my depression, and i am feel worse then ever with my depression, even having such good few months!

Great things has happened to me over the last 6 weeks, but with these great things i still feel like I don't deserve them.... I should be the happiest I have ever felt, but i still feel like I'm worthless and don't deserve these things.. and if I feel like this now, how can i ever be happy? and if I'm not happy, how can i ever deserve/ rationalise her coming back to me when she left me for being depressed?

I now feel like I'm some 16 year old kid rambling about my first love :(

I'm sorry, I just want to talk to someone, I think I should really post in r/offmychest .