Need to escape, just not sure how I want to do it.

My best friend just confirmed everything I ever thought to hate about myself. I don't know how to change. I've tried so hard. I know I'm just a broken record on this sub and I'll probably get a few heart felt "everything will be ok" but that old feeling of escape is starring me in the face...I'm older now, maybe I won't be so afraid to do it. To pull the trigger so to speak.