Breakup and a Self Destructive Situation For Her (cross posted from relationships)

UPDATE: Well things sure seem to move fast sometimes. Friday we were drinking and spilling all of the anger, Saturday we had a brief talk which involved her saying, "How can you be sitting here next to me? I don't understand it." Now today, I decided to go for broke and told her that I wasn't sure if I should try to shake sense into her or let her go and make her mistake. She responded by saying that she wasn't going to encourage the guy's "self destructive behavior" anymore and she was done with it. I doubt we'll ever be anything more than "special friends" as she calls it (we play house, have sex and I go home) but that's fine by me if it works for her too. It's a nice way to end things. Besides, I hate to sound arrogant, however she's pretty picky and it's not easy finding a guy that can fix everything in your house, cook you dinner and keep it up all night for you like me (maybe that's why she hasn't told me to take off completely hahaha). Cheers all and thanks for responding.

Hello relationships,

I have what could wind up being a TLDR post but bear with me please because I need help determining what I should do. I'm teetering on the brink of losing a wonderful friend because I'm not stepping in to try and stop what she's doing and losing a wonderful friend who was a great companion for a year - both the same person, hear me out.

I'll try to make brief the events of the past. She and I were both separated, her husband left because he was cheating on her and I had to leave my wife because she was cheating on me. We're both very good people, faithful of our partners, trusting even after we were cheated on. We had a nice relationship, it was fun, lots of happiness, a few bumps of course - nothing is perfect.

A couple of years ago, she had met a man and loved the idea of him. I say she loved the idea because of how she talked about him. He's a business man, lives in Florida (we live in Ottawa - 1,500 miles away). He's also married, has a little baby and is literally a millionaire. He, from what I learned, is not a very good person all around. He constantly cheats on his wife, he ignores her and somehow, he manipulated my girlfriend into something she won't speak of no matter how assertive I get. A few months ago she got a text or email from him in which she says he "dropped a bomb" on her and she decided to run with it. As you can imagine, our relationship became very unstable at this point. I didn't know about what was going on behind my back but I knew the climate had changed in a bad way and began to suspect that he was up to something with her.

She began acting aggressive toward me and twisting my kind words into things that were negative. I assume she was attempting to get me to go away or make herself dislike me by seeing me in a negative light. It's fairly common, I've been through it before with my ex wife. But you know what? Her and I are still in love and I know there's a chance to reconcile our differences; I'm a very forgiving man and I know that he's never actually touched her since well, he lives in Florida. At the same time, I don't know if I should believe her when she says that he's never been here to visit her while we were dating. How can I tell we're still in love? I know her and the look in her eyes says that she doesn't feel good about what she's done and she's unsure about where to go with it, if at all. And we see each other still every couple of days and hang out like we're still dating...it's nice but confusing and well, if she really disliked me that much she wouldn't have me over. Nor would we be having sex every time we're around each other or, holding hands or...you get the picture.

The bottom line is this, I'm not mad at what she's done. I've seen beyond that. Don't hate the person, hate the action when applicable. Hell, I'm not mad, I'm furious. We met last night, got it all off of our chests and wound up sleeping in each other's arms. What am I furious about? I'm furious that she's being manipulated into something she thinks she wants. I'm mad that so many people are going to be hurt in the car crash. Children, wives, friends and, as collateral damage, her. I don't want her in the situation she's getting herself into. Not because I'm her ex lover but because she's my best friend.

Now, relationships, do I risk it all right now? Do I risk losing her as a friend by going over there right now and telling her these feelings? Do I go there and tell her that I don't want to see her ruin herself in an empty relationship? (she's in no position to move to Florida - ever and he could never move here). It's a bad scene, I love her to pieces and don't want to see it happen. Not in a selfish way, in the way any friend would react to such a situation.

As a footnote, you should also know that she's been lying about me to him the whole time. There have been text messages and emails left on display that I never wanted to see...never but you know how the eye drifts. I also believe she's been lying to her best friends about this knowing that they'd tell her she's a moron for even considering it.

It feels like she feels shame. She's going to end up ruined. I want to stop it but I don't want to lose my friend. What do I do? Where do I turn? I can't talk to her friends about it, that's a no no in any relationship even though they should know.

Also, we're having a bit of quiet time at the moment. She needs to sort out all of what I have disclosed to her so it would be a bad thing to have any contact at the moment. Or would it?

It's sticky, it hurts and I'm conflicted as hell right now.

-White Knight in Rusted Armor