I hate everything.

I need help. I am very confused with my sexuality. I... Feel things (not sexual things) when I browse r/gentlemanboners and r/ladyboners, but absolutely nothing not even sexual things, when I look at porn. Except if they're actually having sex. But not just photos of someone's butt. I don't know if that makes me bisexual or what.

I also hate everyone. My best friend only stays with me out of pity. She makes fun of me all the time. "Anna, spend less time on reddit. You have no life." jokingly, of course. I would never tell her, but I browse reddit I take my mind off my self hate. I prefer laughing than crying. Another thing that stuck with me was something she said in a conversation: "yeah, if you were gay I'd stay like, two feet away from you at all times... Maybe less hugging and whatever." which hurt.

To my other friend, (well call her applebloom) I'm her second choice. "oh, Herpderp isn't here, you can sit with me" also the other way around. "applebloom isn't here, sit with me" and it sucks. "you can't sit here, Herpderp is sitting here."

There are another two. Applejack and rarity. We used to be like, best friends. Now they never talk to me and I feel like they hate me.

I just have a problem with loneliness.

There's one last person, let's cal him dickbutt, who used to like me and we used to be friends. I hear things like "ew, Anna's here.", "fuck you, Anna"(when I just say hi or comment on anything) and "tanner, how could you let this wretched beast stay here?!" on a regular basis. And yes, he did use the term 'wretched beast'. Sometimes his comments make me hide in the bathroom and cry.

That's another thing. Hiding. I could never tell anyone I know all of this stuff. They'll judge me and treat me differently, like with pity instead of respect. I could never let anybody see me cry. Not after the last time they found out I was depressed.

I just feel like my problems are so silly. I think, "nobody gives a shit if you're fat, there's worse things that could happen" which sounds positive, but just makes me feel like an attention whore.

All I really want is one of the people I love to just tell me, "I love you. I know everything. I don't care what you think, you're amazing." I just want them to te me that it's going to be better, and to really mean it.