Dear 'Mother'

If I should even call you that. I mean fuck, you don't act like it. You act like a rotten, narcissistic, lieing teenage older sister with parental authority. You have no respect for my feelings and opinions, and every time I try to express them you jump in telling me I'm either wrong, stupid, or just plain shouldn't be feeling this way. I'm fucking sick of hearing that my feelings don't matter, that I need to 'grow up' and learn that my feelings aren't important to ANYONE. I already damn well know they aren't important to you. You know what gets me really pissed off? When I'm an expert in a certain topic, and you STILL feel the need to argue and tell me I'm wrong. EVERY DAMN TIME, AND I'M FUCKING SICK OF IT. I don't even feel like I can talk to you because of this. I feel completely alone, and every time I want to talk about my feelings, I have no one to talk to. No one. I can't even tell you about myself for fear of you judging me, and I can't talk to you because I feel like every time I do, it turns into another fight.

And another thing. Why can't you just accept me for who I am? Yeah, I fuck up a lot. I'm still a teenager, get used to it. Do you have to use everything I do and say against me in a future argument? Yeah, I get B's and B-'s SOMETIMES. Usually I get A's, but you won't accept it. "You could've done better, you didn't even try" you'd say. I'm sick of trying my hardest when you still expect better. On the topic of you expecting better of me, you can't accept my non-girly-like personality. I don't like getting my hair done, I don't like getting my nails done, and I don't want to talk to you about 'girl stuff', so just fuck off! I'd rather be a guy than a girl, but you can't love me for what I am. I'm supposed to be your "Little A+ Princess", that's probably why you brag and boast about me getting all A+'s when I get B-'s or even when I fail. But then, why do you tell everyone how bad I am and how you hate me? It's like you want me to be you're stupid little princess, but you just can't handle how awful I became, so you blab about your little fantasy, and how much of a fuck up I am. You compare me to my sister, saying how "She would've wanted to be taught this or that," "You're sister always wanted a mom." Well you know what? SHE FUCKING RAN AWAY. SHE DID INAPPROPRIATE THINGS, AND LIED TO YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED, AND PREGNANT, AND RAN OFF WITH THAT BOY SHE MARRIED, ONLY TO GET A DIVORCE A YEAR LATER, GET DRUNK AND PARTY EVERY NIGHT, TAKING NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR HER CHILD. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO KICKED HER OUT. Seriously, she did all this shit and you still compare me to her? I'll be honest, if I were my own child I'd be happy. I don't go out and steal things, get high, drink, have sex, I try my best in school, I'm going to college, I don't do any of the bad things many teenagers my age do, I'm trying to be my best!! Isn't that enough for you? I'm scared to talk to dad about things because I'm afraid of losing him, the only family I have left. Everyone left me.. my cousins and sister don't want me, my grandparents don't want me, dad's the only one, who really cares..... i can't, just.. without him, where am i? No friends, no family, pathetic, failure me, all alone in this rotten world..

One of the worst things is your personality, and how you treat other's. You claim to be "The nicest person you will ever meet" and yet a month later when they do something wrong you rage at them, not even forgiving, you're just.. a bitch! Oh, and you even have the nerve to fucking claim that you're bitchy-ness is just "what all women do". Seriously?!?? What the fuck?! That's the stupidest excuse ever! Sure, blame the stereotype of your gender, don't try to rise above it and be better than what some women do. Notice how I said some, you ignorant bitch. Yeah, not all women are like that. But you know, what the hell do you care, even if you knew you'd just keep going with that "all women are like this" excuse. Fuck you. You blame everyone else for your own problems, but you NEVER blame yourself. You get a virus on your computer? Blame me, or dad. You're late? Blame that slow moving car and not that you left an hour after you said you were going to leave. When my dad doesn't like to go to crowded places, blame him for not being as social as you want him to be, and that it's 'bad for our family'. Isn't love about accepting each-other's differences, and not striving to make the other person change who they are just to fit your own needs/wants? Yeah, so he saves money for our family. Isn't that a good thing?! But no, you're just so damn greedy you want to spend all the money he makes, and again, you say "every husband gives their wife what they want", "husbands are supposed to give all they can", or "relationships/husbands aren't supposed to be this way". If you're so fucking greedy, get a damn job!

I'm so sick of living this way... I just... ;___; I fucking hate my life. Not just because of you, 'mom', but you're a big part of it.