I enjoyed reading this quite a lot. I feel like structurally it’s awesome! From the repetition/reiteration of the first lines of each stanza- to the rhythm in which it’s said. It immersed me into your poem and made it really easy to read the narrators confusion/frustration.

Ahh thank you very much for the clarifications, I can understand the poem more clearly now.

Hi, thank you very much! I’m glad you enjoyed it.

1. That’s actually what she said and how the message ended. The ‘I’ve been thinking about you too…’ wasn’t a postive statement in this case. So it’s implied she was breaking things off and ended with ‘But you do mean heaps to me.’

2. IT is just in general love, I suppose, at least, in the context of the poem. I view it like a seed of intrigue that ultimately doesn’t quite get fulfilled, at least not how you would initially think. IT is essentially what I told her in the notes and the ‘letter’, what made her say I’d make a great poet, what I said was only for her.

3. Just an expression of things not going how you want it too and such. So like, you walk into your bedroom and it’s littered with rats. What do you say? ‘Ah, rats!.’ It’s a bit dated nowadays, I spose.

Ahh I see I see. Thank you so much for sharing this.

Technically, no you can’t. But I can type it out here for you.

It drops the new seed into the ground below.


And then, I must pull that new seed into a new tree.


And then, I must fold that new tree into a new seed.


And then…


Or, I mustn’t pull at all.


For the past creates doubt 


And expectation of the future.


And the future casts self doubt onto the past.


But neither can cast anything onto the present.


That is for I to pull.


For I to decide.

.

It was a bit more personal and relevant to the two of us, and I felt a pure metaphor would be better citied in this new poem. The ‘I’ is more so a universal I, by the way.

And can I read the rest of your first poem anywhere?

I'm new in this community, I'm no writer but I really enjoy reading poems here and this poem... I loved it. I could connect with it somehow. Just some quick questions if you don't mind answering - 1-what's the meaning of 'But you do mean heaps to me', is it a type of confession or something? 2-what's 'IT' here? 3-what's 'rats' supposed to mean? Thank you.

A very intense one. I followed it till the end. Excellent.

Hey, I have a new poem out, though it’s a completely different style. I’d be curious to see what you think about it

I really enjoy your poetry style! I hope to read more from you!

Thank you very much! I’m so glad you enjoyed it so much.

The repetition was a somewhat spontaneous thing. I didn’t know I’d do it for nearly every stanza. The reason I did it was because a week or so after all of this actually happened, I realised one of the drawings directly involved the number 3. I wasn’t even aware it had been three days we since we had met, at that point.

That’s really nice to hear! I didn’t put too much focus in those ones while I was writing them -it was more so just including the events that happened, for me- but I did enjoy how they came out, I’m glad to know it stood out to you so much. 

Haha, yes, it would be best not to know - it wouldn’t even have fit in the poem! And like you said, it’s not a position exclusive to myself.

I figured I would let you know that I added in a new stanza. It goes between the last one and the one with the first poem. It goes,

…

Or at least, that’s the first half of it.

.

You loved it, you told me.


To all of them, you sai

This is phenomenal, one of my favorites I’ve read here!

I love the repetition at the beginning of each stanza. I don’t know what it is about that, but it draws me in and gives the poem such a beautiful flow. 

Also, the running section was my favorite, especially the “I’ll walk” which drew us out of the narrator’s head for a bit and back into the “real world.”

Finally, the debate in the narrator’s head over saying IT. I wonder what the IT is, but maybe it’s better not to know. However, I know I’ve been in that same position. All in all, this was thoroughly enjoyable. Great work!


Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).

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Three Days.