Ennui

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What good is a dried up ocean? What good is a sea of nightmares? Excellent lines! And to think this poem has been sitting for hours with no comment, what a crime. Listen, I found your writing to be very descriptive and deep. The dried up ocean evokes a feeling of total emptiness, of lost hope. And right after that you elaborate on that idea by stating that a sea of nightmares is no good. I really liked the imagery you convey, and when the two lines are put together, they amplify each other. Great job

I agree with the other comment here about the lines about the dried up ocean, the sea of nightmares. They are short questions, but they ask a lot. The imagery surrounding the rest of the poem is nearly as powerful, but I think there are a few things to me that stuck out as holding the rest of the poem back a little.

There are a few points later on that feel a little too much like telling. Telling is not a bad thing, but when I get to these lines (or phrases) ['the orchestra oblivious to her plight', 'lost her grasp on reality', 'to move her arms'] I feel somehow pulled out of the poem. As if you're backing up to make sure we follow. But in my opinion, this does a disservice to the subject matter of the poem. When there's too much 'telling' in a poem, it feels like sometimes the author is compromising the image and the meaning for the comprehension. But it's okay to let the reader do some of the work. For example, if you just say "she weeps like a widow" and forgo the "Alone," then by associations of loss already within the context of the poem, we can let the 'aloneness' of that line seep into it without being told. Instead of forcing the word 'widow' into a box that means strictly 'alone', let us, the reader, pin all of those sentiments and emotions surrounding the word 'widow' onto this line ourselves. The line becomes richer that way, more unique, and perhaps, to you as well more authentic.

Another thing I want to bring up, which will come across as rather drastic, is the entirety of the middle stanza. In the context of my above paragraph, this stanza feels the most tell-y of them all. Apart from the new imagery of blood which you introduce in the first line, every other emotion or sentiment in this stanza comes across just as clearly in the other stanzas. I reread your poem but omitted the middle stanza in your reading and, to me, it is much more clear, and the motif of music becomes more connected, more strong. Even when you ask the question 'who's in control?' we have already, by this point in the poem, recognized that the 'she' who is in the poem is not in control anymore. After all, that is what a breakdown is--the loss of autonomy to yourself. As much as it might be painful to hear, for me at least, I much prefer this poem without the middle stanza.

Also, why is "Alone" the only word with a capital? I like the uniformity of your capital-less formatting choice.

Lemme know if my comments make sense. If you choose to change anything and want some eyes on the new version, just lemme know. Fair warning, I'm super busy on weekdays though. So might not get to replying for a few days.

Happy Tuesday. Cheers.