And then rubbed it in my face this morning after not coming home. We have two girls 1 and 3. I can’t reconcile this and she’s adamant about a divorce now. What the hell am I supposed to do? We depend on each other for childcare and money. I’m just broken and have no idea how to move forward. Gonna crash at moms for a couple days and hope I can quit shaking
Posted Jun 28, 2022, 7:15 PM UTC
She's a married woman who found a guy willing to sleep with her. That's easier to find than a Starbucks. Brushing her teeth two consecutive days is a bigger accomplishment.
"I'll show you I hate you by doing something incredibly easy to accomplish and self degrading."
If you even knew bro.
Holy shit man that’s brutal. She really came home and just was like “guess what I did last night”?
Damn. Reconciliation ain’t happening after that.
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Talk to a divorce lawyer. This relationship is over. Good luck.
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I have screenshots. Hope that’s enough
Email them to yourself, and also print them off, DO NOT LOSE THE PROOF.
Good call
I'll say it again, incase you miss it. Document EVERYTHING!! Be the first at the courthouse. They tend to favor mothers. This is coming from a mother..
And a witness of sorts. We’re in Arkansas btw
You should be able to find out enough through Google. In Illinois the wording in the law calls it a conjugal relationship. Not sure if that's spelled right.
Lol close enough. Here in the south, I’d be shocked if that’s not a thing
Good luck man
What state is that? Source- am lawyer and have never heard of cheating being relevant in divorce proceedings after the overhaul in the 70s
It’s because it isn’t true. I am also a lawyer (bird law here) and can confirm you could suck ten dicks in front of your spouse, God, and Colonel Sanders and it would not make a red cent difference in the divorce proceedings.
In some states adultery is still on the books as a crime. In my state it's actually a felony, and in some others it requires the intent to cause harm. This may be considered a dead law, but has some potential.
It doesn’t. Any Judge upholding such a law would immediately be made the laughing stock of his or her jurisdiction.
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It's sad to think abandonment would get OP further in a case than adultery.
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After looking into it it did change in my state in 2016. In the ops state of Arkansas it hasn't changed though.
It can be relevant in some states including New Jersey, Florida, Georgia and North Carolina where it can impact alimony up to and including not being able to receive any or allowing the injured party to sue you and the affair partner. Some of these states allow for both no fault and fault divorces. Don’t know about Arkansa though .
What a garbage human being. Sorry bud
Imagine bragging about how trashy you are smh
Some peoples kids, I don’t get it man
I knew a couple where the dude took out multiple loans to spend absurd amounts of money on e-girls for their birthday and didn’t even tell his pregnant wife happy birthday let alone give her a gift.
She eventually snapped after a few months of that and did something similar. Guy deserved it. It makes me wonder what op isn’t telling us.
OP has had nothing but open and honest discourse about sexual needs with his partner. And then she pulled this shit. I don’t even watch videos on PH. I just scroll through like gifs. We knew each other, well, she knew me. But now this. OP ain’t lying bout a goddamn thing. I ain’t never ran from no smoke.
obviously controversial but agreed. for her to not only do it, but to rub it in his face? that’s revenge material. What’s the whole story OP?
ETA: he also said “she’s adamant about a divorce” and then he asks what he should do…. how about give her the divorce she wants? What she did was shitty, but i’m going to take a wild guess and say that she probably asked for a divorce and he refused so she did something she knew would get him to agree. That’s just me putting together context clues, could be wrong, but like I said: shitty either way
Wrong. She’s legit unstable. Like, the other time she wanted a divorce, she went on a grippy sock vacation. And I had to pick up the pieces. I had to call in favors for childcare. Had to go to work wondering how she was doing. Counting fucking produce
This did it come out of nowhere. I called her out for having a crush on this guy. And the. She ghosted her family to go fuck said guy
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I don’t love your delivery here, but I do agree on merely ONE thing - I suspect we’re getting 10% of the real story and that there may be some layers of context here that are being left out.
I do find it suspicious that someone in a loving, amazing relationship with someone who (refers to themselves in third person) as a master of “open and honest discourse” would come home and suddenly start bragging about cheating and ask for a divorce.
I don’t think he is lying but I think the context has been eliminated.
However, this is ultimately his side of the story. Crappy people like his wife, with narcissistic traits, do exist; people who cheat purely for cheating sake.
Think about the kids. You family will support through this shit sandwich handed to you. Line a up lawyer asap.
I couldn’t make it without them. Momma already got a list of lawyers for me to call
Find your own and those that do a great job of advocating for the father. The Family Court system is notorious for screwing fathers. They are not your friends. If neither of you have significant assets, then the only other area of concern is parenting plans, who gets what type of custody and visitation rights for the other non-primary parent. Try to come to an agreement on that with your wife otherwise the lawyers will have a field day and will leave you broke and in debt. If you do have a significant difference in income, be prepared, she will come after you and likely try to get everything she can get and more. Sometimes this is done via the parenting plan, because the primary will get the child support. Find a good lawyer quickly and or see if your wife is amenable to a mediated divorce. Mediated divorces are much less costly, but it requires both parties to be reasonable and willing to negotiate.
Update: if she happens to be the one who makes significantly more, get everything YOU can.
Do not call any of the lawyers on her list.
She gave you that list for a reason.
Do you own research, reach out to family/friends, open up a phone book, but do not call any of the lawyers on her list.
Lawyers know each other, even if they are not in the same field. If you have family or friends that are lawyers, or are friends with one, ask for their contact number. You do not have to give them a story, just ask for a personal recommendation for a family lawyer. Make sure you do not come across as someone who is asking for free legal services though. Make sure they know you are strictly looking for a personal recommendation.
Edit: Sorry OP. I call my wife "Momma Bear," or just "Momma" all the time. When I refer to my mother, I use a more descriptive pronoun.
His mother… not his baby momma lol
So sorry, my Reddit friend. When they do it with impunity and rub it in your face, it shows a great deal of contempt and disrespect towards you. Divorce is certain. Protect your assets (bank accounts, credit cards, brokerage), so that she doesn't take everything and leave you penniless. Schedule a paid consultation with a divorce attorney. Start thinking about how you can survive on just one salary (live with family? second job? bankruptcy? Whatever?)
Family/second job is certainly feasible. Childcare is an issue but they’re pretty committed to helping me through this.
Stack your money, hit the gym, and enjoy time with your daughters. Seek counseling as well, as this type of trauma can be hard to come back from. Wishing you the best!
Focus on being a father and avoid dating for at least a year or until you’ve got your life back on track.
You’ll be tempted but don’t do it!
You’ll thank me, I promise you.
I keep seeing this suggestion. And I know it’s valid. But I can’t help but want to get on something else. But I’ll go without I reckon. Gotta focus on us
The others said it correctly. It's unfortunate that it took this long to show you her true colors.
Run, do not walk, away. She WILL be back. Might be days, might be weeks, might be months, might be years. She will be back.
Move onto better.
Trash on the curb homie. Thanks for your kind words though. Y’all are really helping me out here
I assure you, they aren't just words. I don't know you, you come across like a good dude. Onto better.
A thought process I absolutely live by: EVERYTHING happens for a reason.
There is no reason you should be leaving the home. You have daughters to think about. Your marriage is over. They are your priority now and they need a stable parent in the home they've been growing up in. Lick your wounds after you've stabilized their situation.
From here on out, treat it like a business and surround yourself with good people. Your responsibility is to take care of yourself and your kiddos ONLY. I've been there, my man. Times will get complicated, but personally, I am in a great space now with a woman I adore because of my previous divorce.
A piece of advice. Make her leave, she tore the family apart. It’s been my husband’s deepest regret that when his then-wife cheated that she should have left instead of him. It’s been twenty five years and he still says he wishes he had stayed to raise his girls.
Oh, buddy. I am so sorry. Find a lawyer and start the process. Check out your local legal aid if finances are an issue. I believe you might also be able to start the process online depending on what state you are in. I agree with the top comment. Get your mind and life in order, she has removed herself from the equation. Focusing you and doing the very best for your kiddos. Trash usually ends up on the curb. Leave it there. Onward and upward!
Allons y
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Hey , I’m so sorry this has happened to you . It’s a very shitty situation . Best advice is I can give is to focus on you and the kids . This woman is a pos . Also this maybe a confusing time for the children . I would wouldn’t tell them exactly what happened but I would just tell them mommy and daddy can’t be together anymore
Be the best dad you can, show them love spend time with them, not money, DO NOT talk poorly of their mother, if they ask just tell them you had a different opinion of things and leave it. Talk to people you can trust, fight for custody of your girls, and I mean fight, do not give in. You will get through this and you will get better, you are gonna be broken for a very long time but in time you will heal.
Lawyer up and don’t be afraid to seek counseling. This too shall pass.
Publish it on many of Reddit’s community for POS people and farm the karma... I know it’s not much, but I hope the best for you.
GOOD. Leave her cheating ass, heal, get jacked as fuck, go on dates with young hot girls and watch her fucking emotional sanity burn.
You have taken a beaten but brother trust me this is the start of your come up story. Time to focus on yourself and let your anger and rage fuel you to becoming better but then one day let it go and be a badass butterfly.
She might rub it in your face but right now she is high and mighty but if you do the hard work you can change your life and be happy and healthy and that will piss her off than anything.
Also focus on being an amazing dad, don't try to buy your kids love but show them how to invest in them and how to talk about their feelings and how to process them. You will be amazing dad.
Appreciate that shit my dude
If your wife can come home and do that to you with two small children in the house, she is not a women you want to be married to. That's as nasty and scummy as a person can get. As hard as this is, I honestly think you and your children will be better off. Good luck op and I hope you find true happiness in the future.
You right. I’m trying to look at this as an opportunity. She gave me a gift.
See you at the gym brother.
Ive slowly learned to frame things this way. When one door closes another opens. I cannot tell you how many times what appeared to be the end of something I love turned into a new transformation. Usually my life ended up being so much better once it was done.
Just remember you have two children. They will see right through this bullshit, trust me. You have to be a rock now. But you’ve got this. From one Dad to another, you’ve got this. Her loss, friend.
What is she saying about the kids? Perhaps you can just ask her to leave.
In this situation you want to be the one to file first. You might even claim abandonment bc she isn’t coming home.
Go home for sure asap so she can’t claim you’ve abandoned. That’s a big deal in family court. BIG! So go home. Stay in your room. Maybe she’ll leave. Make her uncomfortable. Serious. Make you and the kids comfortable. Maybe go to bed early with the kids in your bed. They’re small enough I used to do that often.
Looking ahead, maybe you can get a single mom in school to help with your kids. You trade with her for the same. Don’t have to live together. I used to coparent with a guy friend who had small kids. We didn’t live together or date but he’d pick up my kids for me and help till I got off and then I’d help him on the weekends with his son. Eventually we each got a dating life in too by doing this.
You’re going to grieve a long while. Focus on you and the kids. Establish this as your home. Make her be gone often. She obviously has somewhere to go. Do not leave. Do not stay at moms. Even if you’ve made arrangements for today, go home now. Be nice. Be at least decent. Take care of the kids.
Baby, some times the trash takes itself out. This is your come up story.
And when she comes crawling back, don’t say a single word- just laugh in her face and slam the door.
To quote Cesar Chavez, Si Se Puede!!!!
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He's totally right. You get to choose your path going forward, and we know that path includes being a good father. It includes YOU being healthy, level headed, and reasonable.
You can only get stronger from here. The deed has already been done. You want revenge? The only way you'll get revenge is by living a good life and being being a man on your own. Her opinion doesn't matter anymore. It's you and your children.
What happens from now till the divorce is a transition period that you can't wait to be done with so you can live your best life. I know it'll be stressful, but it will all be worth it. A few months, a year, 2 years from now you'll be at a place in your life where you can look back with peace knowing you got through all the shit that's to come. You'll know you did right by your children and you were a faithful spouse.
Work on yourself for your yourself and your kids. Don't let this divorce screw them up by giving them 2 irrational spiteful parents that scar their kids. No. You must take the high road.
You have to get through this transition period so you might as well do it right from the start.
If you've been a good, faithful spouse then you deserve to be with someone who reciprocates. It's not okay to do this shit to your spouse. It's fucked up. It's not normal, and you shouldn't put up with it.
Read books. Read articles. Be productive with your time and proactive with the divorce process. This can be easy if all parties do things amicably. You simply don't want to be with a woman like that and you wouldn't want your kids to be with a person like that.
We grow as people everyday. Keep doing that. Keep learning. Keep being a good father. Keep being a good coworker. Keep being amicable with your soon to be ex-wife. If she's being immature don't feed it. Seriously. It's just mind game bullshit.
There are many people who want to see you move past this and do good in life. I can't imagine the heart break you must feel and you don't deserve that.
I believe in you. You can crawl out of the darkness and take your love and compassion somewhere where it's appreciated.
To add on to his point, if you have extra money you want to put towards your kids, instead of gifts, start a CD that can't be accessed until a certain age and add money to that. You'll give them a start on something later in life that your wife won't have done. That's investing in their future. For now, invest your time with them.
That’s a beautiful suggestion. I don’t have much money, but I can do that. Thank you. So much
My parents farmed. My dad was in a bad work accident, so we never had a ton of money. My parents started a CD for each of us kids. Christmas money from a grandparent, mk ey earned working on other farms picking stones as kids, everything went into that account.
My parents didn't pay for my first car, or college, or any of that. But they contributed to that CD which helped me starting out in life, and for that, I'm truly grateful.
Also, it was never much money. You'd be suprised, a little goes a long way. Your children will come to appreciate the little things the most.
A few words of advice beyond the CD.
You will, at some point, have harsh feeling towards their mother. Never bad mouth her to your children. Be tactful and tasteful in how you speak about her. Does she deserve this? No, but you want your kids to see you being respectful, it'll mean a lot more to them as teens and adults.
You will fight with them, that's a given. If you work on the ability to talk to them about anything and everything when they're young, you'll build an incredibly strong bond.
Just be there for them. Good luck friend
Also, make sure you gather all the evidence of her cheating. Tell it loud and proud to all family members, her family, your friends, etc. Also, when your daughters come of appropriate age, tell them the whole story as well.
I love your comment. Especially the part about the butterfly😆❤️
A good woman doesn't do that (obvs). There's some deep rooted insecurity or entitlement going on w her. Take the high road and show your kids the proper way to handle adversity and disrespect🙌🏼
I can attest that getting kicked in the balls can be the catalyst to your greatest life.
This is the way. Sun Tzu art of divorce.
☝️ This!! Believe it!!