Source
r/relationship_advice•
halfStackScratchDev

I 29M feel that my GF 30F isn’t an active listener. We’ve talked about it once but I still feel unheard at times. Should I keep bringing it up?

Basically if something is bugging me she’ll be sweet and caring but never expresses interest. I could say a lot. A bad day at work, stress with a friend, loss of a friend or family.

Usually she’ll hug me and say “I’m sorry babe! I hope you feel better.”

I’ve talked about it before but I do want more active communication. She often gets distracted, looks at her phone, just says small things like “hope things improve” etc. I want her to actually inquire about things and try to understand what I’m frustrated or upset about (something I do with her when she’s upset).

Should I keep bringing it up? Has anyone dealt with this before? Is it just a lost cause?

Tl;dr: gf isn’t an active listener when I’m frustrated or upset about things. She’s still supportive in her own way but I want more communication. How do I bridge the gap? Or do I just deal with it?

Posted Jun 30, 2022, 9:40 PM UTC

36
nursejooliet•

I have this issue slightly with my boyfriend. I’ve honestly called it out several times, and had very serious heart to hearts about why I don’t feel heard, and why it bothers me. He’s a little better now. You just have to keep calling it out.

He has ADD, and is unmedicated because his previous attempts at medication impacted him negatively. so knowing the reason helps me a lot. It makes me a lot more patient. Does your girlfriend had ADD/ADHD?

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halfStackScratchDevOP•

Not that I know of. She hasn’t gone for it but I don’t think she does. I’ll keep bringing it up when it happens in the future. I appreciate your perspective. I’m trying to communicate my feelings as well as I can.

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1
omg_kitties•

I’ve dated people who did that. All of them were raised in households whose parents didn’t have any concept of how communication works. One girl had a brother who was so much worse about it that it was unbelievable. I met him on Christmas and he just stared at the TV. Turns out that’s just how he is. He thinks the effort of communication is 100% on other people.

It’s frustrating as shit. Talking to them never got me anywhere. They don’t understand the core concept of being a good communicator.

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holy_ravioli__•

I wouldn't say it's a lost cause, I'd say just be honest with her again and tell her that you'd like her to ask a bit more when you two are communicating especially if it leaves you feeling unheard. Sometimes she might just not be feeling up to talking but if it's a constant thing then it's probably a communication issue that can be resolved.

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