Source
r/OCPoetry•
Mrmuzikman

The Most Powerful

Poem

Walking home from work one day, I took a shortcut through a cemetery.

I swear the clouds suddenly turned grey, it was dark cold and scary.

I creeped my way down a twisted path, past rows of old head stones.

I imagined zombies craving wrath, rotting flesh peeling from their bones.

Up ahead I saw a man, he was tall and slender wearing all black.

He was so pale he had no tan, a chill shot up my back.

I slowly approached with apprehension, all my hairs standing up as he said.

"I'm the most powerful in this dimension, yes I can even bring back the dead."

Not knowing if he was serious, I laughed aloud, "Is that a joke?"

I was not delirious, I swear after that he vanished in a cloud of smoke.

​

Feedback:

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/vugjrj/tooth_extraction/

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/vuif16/sentiment/

Posted Jul 8, 2022, 7:47 PM UTC · edited

74
artyspooner•

This was awesome! Really loved how many visuals it brought to mind, while telling a story that kept me hooked all the way through. Some lines read through a bit smoother than others, but overall a really cool poem. Loved the line about the zombies, incredibly written. Nice job!

2
RoastedToast88•

I agree, this is a wonderfully vivid story. The visuals had me along for the whole thing. The rhythm of some of the lines was clunky, I got distracted trying to make the odd amount of syllables work in my head. Nevertheless, the rhyming scheme was strong throughout, and I'm a sucker for a mysterious tale like this. Good work!

1
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1
wingl3ssthing•

the visuals you are able to create are really powerful, i only wish they had been done subtler. the way you describe things is very blunt and i think that takes away from the ominous vibe you're going for.

1