July 9th.
tomorrow would have been one year. I wonder if he remembers.
the way it felt on his train ride into the city; the anticipation, the butterflies, the love.
i remember walking to the station; I was so jittery,
so full of butterflies I felt like I was going to throw up-
I got there first. I remember.
I sat on a bench at the bottom of the stairs and I waited-
patiently, but so, so nervously.
I thought rapidly about everything I wanted to say to him.
how I wanted to touch him - where I wanted to touch him.
and then suddenly... he was there.
right at the top of the stairs, looking down at me; he was smiling so big.
he galloped down the stairs and I threw myself into his arms -
this is what home feels like.
he smelled sweet
like fabric softener and old spice.
we both held on so tight -
his heart felt like it was going to burst out of his chest;
I think mine almost did too.
he slid his hands up to my face and pulled me in for a kiss
and my entire soul ignited.
finally, you were mine.
there.
July 9th.
fast forward a year and that's all gone.
it's all different now.
he faces the other way when he falls asleep
and there isn't the same light in his eyes when I come home from work -
that light from July 9th.
now the sweetness that was once fabric softener and old spice just tastes like
red wine and junk food because
that's all I can stomach these days.
the salt from my tears is enough to make even the dead sea
look like merely the seasonings
on top of my untouched dinner.
and when I thought, "our love might end"
the sun went on shining.
I think now I'm grieving
what he could have given me;
not who he is.
I'll miss the gentle little touches
the ones only a lover can give you;
forehead against forehead with small smiles -
the brush of lips on cheeks
the slight turn of my head with his hand
when he kissed my arm as I cupped his face
that's what I'll miss.
the promise of love, the promise
of familiarity.
I got there first. I remember.
I remember the sunsets, glittering rays on the skin
I remember music echoing around
like fairies dancing
fingers in my hair with a touch I didn't know I could have.
I remember July 9th as if it were yesterday.
do you think he does too?
--
Posted Jul 8, 2022, 11:33 PM UTC