Thank you so much for the feedback. It's really helpful, I'll definitely cut 'whole' from before life, and because I like the ee sound in weave, I will change it to present tense. Re: dribbling fury, I'm really glad you pointed this out cause that is the part I was most unsure about. I wanted to describe it as glacial fury, because of the speed at which sap trickles down, maybe that would be better?

Edit. On reading through, perhaps just 'the/a fury of amber blazes in the sun' I'll give it some thought. I've been told before that I use too many adjectives anyway.

Great opening. We usually think of "[...] said yes" in a positive sense, but the enjambment creates a beautiful tension before you invert it. So much exposition is loaded in the title and opening couplet.

>I weaved my whole life [...]

could mean that the speaker has dedicated their entire life to climbing, or that they entrust their life to the rope; both meanings seem suitable here. I'm not sure "whole" is entirely necessary here; it's almost excessive, especially combined with the desperation of "like a dagger in my teeth."

>jam my fingers / into cracks, and twist

extremely visceral. Oof ow my fingers. Nice.

>twist. The metronome

I liked this - the implication of winding a metronome or clock, a gesture of attempted control over the passage of time. Again, great enjambment.

The fifth couplet gave me the feeling of being suspended in the sky. I've never been climbing outdoors, but this poem makes me see the appeal.

Your poems often have this expansively-described held-breath mo

this is my first attempt at feedback. firstly i'm happy to say that I like this poem. The imagery of rock climbing it puts in my head(something i've never done before) makes my palms sweat a little. But i feel this poem invokes a defiance to the passage of time. a drive to stay young in the heart and keep doing what we love despite the wear and tear to our body's. the triumph of skill mastery and experience over new aches and pains that weren't there when we were 20. i always felt it's a very noble concept of defiance and it's something i've always looked up to.

I didn’t even need to review your work. I just wanted to say I completely enjoyed it. Haven’t been able to break out of the gym yet to experience real rock but I feel like I have now. Great work! Cheering you on!

I really love the descriptive detail you put into each phrase, I was able to have a vivid image of each bar (I don't know the exact terminology for it). The use of time, whether from age 29-32 or from today to tomorrow was well done and made me consider things that I might pay for in the future that I do in the present. Thought provoking and powerful stuff.

Quite an accomplished poem. There's a great word economy here, very little I'd want to cut out. You're able to convey a great deal just in the first two lines. The imagery here is also quite strong: The gloss-black 'chert' (had to look that one up, wonderful word), the click of carabiners (lovely alliteration), the douglas fir rattling with woodpeckers, the sap is dribbling fury from the tree AND you never even had to actually say 'sap'. Just amazing, man. Really like the second couplet and the line break that leads into "like a dagger in my teeth". Really makes that line stick, also fitting because when I imagine someone holding a dagger in their teeth I think of a pirate climbing the rigging of a ship, not so unlike rock climbing. One line that sticks out to me is "Birds fly beneath me". It seems somewhat out of place, but I also like how its sort of echoed in the line about woodpeckers and I like that it adds a sense of scale i.e. if birds are flying beneath you, you must be quite h

this is pretty profound I really cant describe it any other way

Wow. This poem is truly incredible - perhaps one of the best uses of imagery I've seen on this subreddit, consistent throughout the entire poem. I love the stinging bitterness the poem carries through the line of "jam my fingers into cracks, and twist." Impressive implementation of rhetorical devices. I see little room for improvement with this one!

This is really powerful and a very unforceful account of the reality of debilitating illness not being one of pure dread and dispair.

I really think the dagger simile functions without the “like”! 

“A dagger in my teeth. I reach past gloss-black chert and fossilisation

in sheer limestone, jam my fingers to cracks, and twist.”

It’s all down to style and your identity as a poet but these small changes rework a more vivid and less distant image for me! 

I’m no expert but I hope it helps!


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Climbing at Colehill Quarry