Thank you. Appreciate the positive feedback.

I love the line "the soothing wind delivers your essence"  excellent imagery, I must say I love when writers personify people with nature like elements, and you did well here. "Breathing it in assures me of your presence" Another great line, yet again we see an aspect of nature personified in this person. Your poem is quite good. I dont have much criticism, some may say that it doesnt rhyme, but to me rhyming isnt important at all. Rather it is the imagery conveyed, and here you did quite well, borrowing aspects of nature to build this scene to the reader's eyes. Well done


Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).

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Appreciate the constructive advice. I do agree, with the rhymes. They do seem a bit forced. 

Poem describes a time where natures coincidences brought to life the lover of the writer. Natures different winds brings the missing love to life, by using the writers senses. Calming the writers emotions and bringing the lover present.

Hi there! I liked reading this. The imagery and language in this poem is almost religious. Is that intentional? I sense a wonder with nature, life, etc, but I am also  wondering whether you are talking about a real person or some sort of holy spirit. 

Honestly -- I like that it is ambiguous -- but maybe you can play with that ambiguity some more? If it was about a person, how is their love like the objects of the imagery? How does that relate to a sense of spirituality and communing with nature? 

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A couple of minor points -- some of the rhymes are a bit straining and I think are unnecessary (IMO)... sleek/cheek/unique ; together/shiver -- slant at best -- i got tripped up reading them I think bc I wasn't sure if they were supposed to rhyme or not. 

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Hope any of this is helpful! Thanks for sharing!

Quiet Moments