DANGEROUS
Deception makes you vengeful
Pain makes you cautious
Hurt makes you cold
Cold and cautious makes you dangerous
Posted Jul 15, 2022, 5:52 AM UTC
119
Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).
If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy.
If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our feedback guide, or look through the comment sections of any other post here, or click the links to the author's feedback above. If you're not sure whether your comments are feedback, or you have any other questions, please send us a modmail.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
This spoke to me on a vagabond level.
Really quite nice. Really quite... vengeful...maybe not dangerous though...and I was hoping for dangerous.
But otherwise. Best interesting piece of the morning.
Best&best
Horror_Albatross_464
1
the format of this poem is simplistic and the assertions are relatable. the callback in the last sentence to the past two proses tie the poem together but it kind of renders the first line useless. perhaps if you tied all three together that finale will pack a bigger punch.
1
Dangerous makes you uncaring
Uncaring makes you lose focus
And all the while you forgot you'd been deceived
And now you're vengeful
1
Relatable
1
Relatable
1
Relatable
1
This is a list of four unusual assertions. You offer no poetic or philosophical support for any of them, which is fine. You are letting them live or die on the power of the reader to fill in that support with their own imaginations and personal experiences. I, for one, can't fill that in, though, so it feels a bit of a dud to me.
Is there a story or situation behind these statements? Perhaps you could unpack that, and welcome the reader into it.
Yes. This is extracted from my personal experiences. Thanks for the feedback. Your feedback helped me not with my poetry, but the way you wrote your feedback was poetic, and I liked and learnt from it.