The kireji! In haiku it’s known as a “cutting word” but it’s not always a word. Sometimes it’s a period or a comma or even an emdash. It’s a part of the sentence that’s under a lot of strain, holding together the two halves of the haiku. It’s the point of juxtaposition—does that make sense?

hmm, hadn't known that haiku weren't titled. I did have a fair amount of trouble finding a title...went through evening, twilight, sunset, et cetera...but was worried about the reader not having context otherwise. read this to my dad and a family friend, and they had trouble getting it...

dude, I looked up kireji, and it was something complicated having to do with japanese grammar. so yeah, I don't know.

thanks for the comment!

Nice to see an authentic haiku here! Conveying seasonal insights well. I love “red lengths.”

Is the kireji “when”? I’m looking for it but i’m unsure where exactly it is. Is this a problem? Not sure.

My western eye thinks the enjambment on “the” is not right. This could be fixed by syntactically rearranging the line, or by doing an ashberyan one line haiku. The latter would probably work better.

EDIT: also it’s a faux pas to title it. I don’t think it needs a title, anyways.

I'm just starting to get into haikus, so you'll forgive me for now knowing much about them. What I love about this is the way you've managed to capture something as huge and fleeting as the moment at the end of a day when the light is just like liquid fire. The red lengths of the eucalyptus / faded when I looked again. Gorgeous. And all the melancholy of it fading, totally implicit through the way the language and narrative are constructed. The speaker has noticed the red lengths, the light, and something "off camera" has distracted them for a moment. We, the readers, are introduced to the moment after it has passed. This is really quite wonderful. 

The only thing that sticks out to me is breaking a line at the word 'the' if you could somehow re jig this to avoid that I think this thing would be really stellar. But again, what do I know about haiku.

Very nice haiku on the ephemeralality of a beautiful moment. I agree with other comments about the “the” at the end of a line leading to the next being a bit clunky. It’s great still though!


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Nah, you’re good. Makes sense to be honest in your crit re:emotionality. I see where you’re coming from.

Ultimately we can’t know Basho unless we are fluent Japanese speakers. I don’t remember who translated that haiku—probably Robert Hass. Often I see it as if we are reading the translator more than we are the original. Others say its a collaboration but I’m not sold on that. The translator has a lot of power in what we see.

At the end of the day, haiku in english is bastardized from the get go. I don’t even use the “traditional” syllable count, well, back when I dabbled, as it’s seen by some Japanese speakers/haikuists as an arbitrary reduction of the form for a language that isn’t equipped for it. This isnt to say we should throw out all the “traditional” rules, but that not all english haiku need to “cut” and maybe not all of them need a referent of the season. There’s a lot of discourse on this (I think they all need to “cut” but that’s just me).

To me the way “Basho” disambigu

I’d say this is a little harsh! You seem to like more image-juxtapositional haiku. I like them too, but they aren’t the only way to write haiku. See Basho:

Even in kyoto

Hearing the cuckoo’s cry

I long for kyoto

What “turns” here, exactly? It’s not so easy to spot. EDIT though this poem too is image-juxtaposing, “kyoto” functions more as an idea than as a thing.

Not that this haiku matches Basho’s beat for beat, but the internal change of looking and looking again is a turn, albeit small. 

I love your curly fry haiku btw.

Great reminder to capture the moment. Very good haiku.Nice and calming, I'll be revisiting.

The red lengths of the  
eucalyptus had faded   
when I looked again. 

July 10, 2022, 8:23 PM - 14, 12:11 AM

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Half-Light