- Immaturity -

Poem

It's been awhile since we've talked.

You check in from time to time,

so do I.

But we don't turn over rocks

like we used to.

​

Is that era gone forever?

​

Anyway, I find myself unhappy

Not because of us, or because of you,

just for no particular reason

beyond, maybe,

reminding me how great the unsad times are

when they are there in the natural sunlight

winning pennants and baring breasts

like the boys (and girls) of summer.

​

I guess this is my first away from your friendly confines.

My first without you behind the pentagon

coaxing me to trade a tick

off my lefty heater

for more leverage, poise,

and control.

​

Just kidding! You aren't my Campanella, you weren't paralyzed

in a car accident, and we were never

that big of a deal.

Just secret friends who still bicker and fight

tormenting each other for the joys of tormentation

!(and its aftermath).!<

1 2

Posted Jul 18, 2022, 8:30 PM UTC

3113
[deleted]•

[deleted]

4
CarlosMontezSS•

I really enjoyed this, I could relate to it. It reminds me of friendships that I used to have that faded away over time, I’m not sure if that’s what you went for here, but that’s how I felt. Overall a great piece, I have no criticisms, great work!

2
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1
Sentinel_headache•

I like this poem. It's particular but relatable. The first stanza really draws the reader in. The "turning over rocks as a kid" works well as a metaphor. My favorite line is probably "tormenting each other for the joys of tormentation" -- I remember kids testing out their capacity for cruelty in a playful, sort of innocent way that seems to be pretty universal. As far as feedback goes, the chatty tone works for this poem but I feel the word choice dragged it down a little for me in the middle. Thanks for sharing :)

1
boxingboy01•

I am new to reddit. I read upvoted poems and recent posts and of the recent posts this poem spoke to me. I must agree with the comment regarding your metaphor in the first stanza, it is powerful, and I wanted to finish reading the poem. I liked your use of italics. I have explored spacing in haiku and want to explore it further. This is a good poem because I started likening it to and considering a relationship of my own.

1
Symo92•

Nice. Reminds me of some stuff I've been thinking about lately.

1
tinkerbell-z•

Really loved this. Simple yet evoked a lot of familiar feelings within me. The last few lines stood out to me.

1
Shortbutdreamy•

I honestly look at this and deeply reflect on my childhood

1
BeautyForAshes819•

Right in the feels. Oof. Raw and well done.

1

Well this spoke to me!!! I'm in a stage in life where I'm loosing friends faster than I'm gaining more. Not because of some drama or something, just life and drifting apart. It's sad. It particularly hurts with one friend who has always been my closest companion since high school. I feel like he's the only one who truly knows and understands me. I can be 100% myself around him. But of late that friendship has been slipping away, not because we fought, but just bloody life. Feels like I'm grieving the friendship.

1
cactus___boi•

​

This poem hurts a lot personally. I mean, amazing poem but the lines in this remind me of a recent 'break-up' I had with my best friend. I love it so much, especially transitioning from something so innocent and child-like, such as turning rocks around, to not talking to them completely. I don't know if I made any sense but loved it.

1
Moonagali_V2•

Is the subject of this poem >!deceased!<? I feel that after I read the spoiler, the speaker is visiting a >!grave of sorts!<.

​

Beautifully written! 10/10.

1
Savage_Cabbage05•

Great job with this poem! It’s very descriptive and I can imagine it very vividly!

1
Defiant-Net-3518•

The final two lines are deadly. Neither side is budging or communicating. Still love each other but only show it through their hurt for one another. That's beautiful, well done.

1