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A beautiful sentiment to the irony of contemporary life. Rather than caring for what is on display we only care for how we display ourselves. I love the casual tone and immediately, was transported to a park in the Netherlands and could clearly see the two men in stained shirts, smiling and laughing in their stride. I feel the amount of descriptive imagery was perfect and allowed me to form my own image rather than see what you see and particularly enjoyed the closing sentence on the ways we 'bear being alive'. For to live is not to be alive. Overall, A stark, simple and eloquently versed commentary on the warped principles of living. Thankyou for sharing your piece.

I like this idea of poetic selfishness haha

This really is a gorgeous poem. I see it more based upon irony and finding beauty in poetic selfishness. Furthermore I really enjoy that perspective of a passerby, it paints a more connected and present feeling. This is really vivid.

Thank you for the critical feedback, I appreciate the two suggestions and will play with the poem some more 🙏

Enjoyed the poem a lot. Really like the opening bringing in the museum district: ideas of people watching, meandering, observing precious objects. It transfers through the rest of the poem nicely. Well written too, the sentences have clear meanings paint a calm picture throughout the whole poem. I also enjoyed a satirical edge to it.

The line: "Those men could have done what they wanted in that garden" is extremely slow. Its quite simplistic and vague. Reading it back without that line makes the poem more fast paced and vivid. Also they couldn't do exactly what they wanted, perhaps they want to do something pretty "out there", the cameras would certainly turn round then. Although I do understand the meaning of it (I believe): Its a feeling of being lost in the crowd/ of seclusion within a busy atmosphere. I feel the line could be re-written to explore that feeling a lot more than it is. Perhaps as a alternative, "Those men could talk and walk as they wanted" or something more abstract

Thank you, yes I could take out the "the" but it would change the meaning a bit, no? Even if it reads at a faster or smoother clip without it

I appreciate the rest of yr feedback as well

I get the message and the poem is clear and reads pretty well, but for me it all kind of just evaporated as I read;

>Holy be the ritual of walking with a friend, reminding each other

This is wonderful, beautiful, touching, I love it. I think you could take “*the*” out of the next line;

>of the ways we bear being alive.

or rework it maybe without losing the meaning? I’m not saying it would be better necessarily, it’s great how it is, I don’t know how much you’ve played with rewording it though, maybe try a few things out and see if there’s any combination or rearrangement of words you find more pleasing. If not, just keep it! Because it punctuates the idea of the body of the poem so eloquently. 

Nice work!

**Ways of Being Alive**

&amp;#x200B;

At the museum district with its public gardens

no one talks about their lives or looks at the flowers,

the unspoken goal of outings these days being a photo shoot.

After a while of watching people putting on displays

not for each other or themselves but for their cameras,

I watch two men in stained t-shirts jeans and old sneakers walk by

chatting with the ease of those who’ve known each other decades.

The photographers ignore them, opting instead for shots

of themselves against backgrounds of pretty flower beds.

Those men could have done what they wanted in that garden.

Holy be the ritual of walking with a friend, reminding each other

of the ways we bear being alive.

&amp;#x200B;

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